Things are so darn amazing here in Wisconsin that sometimes it’s easy to forget that not everyone else has the privilege of being exposed to all that is great and wonderful about Wisconsin.
There’s nothing like being a Wisconsinite, but even we have some awkward moments in life. Check out these 13 things that have happened to most everyone in Wisconsin that has left them a bit red in the face:
1. Trying to order a New Glarus anywhere out of state.
Alternately, laughing at Chicagoans who think Spotted Cow is the best thing because they've never had all New Glarus' amazing other beers. That's fine, more lambics for me.
2. Explaining to people how great the Great Lakes really are.
Or, if you're me, explaining to people that despite being from Wisconsin, I do know how to swim.
3. Getting caught dressed inappropriately for whatever weather you encounter.
It's probably unfair to blame the weatherman, but from the lake effect to slow and fast moving fronts, there's a lot happening above us, meteorologically speaking. We've all headed out in 50 degree weather, thankful for a winter reprieve only to get snowed on a few hours later.
4. Actually listening to the weather man and getting stuck in the rain.
This one is pretty much 3b. This is Wisconsin. Assume all weather is subject to change without notice. Always have gloves and a hat and an umbrella in the car. Know that you'll probably need them on the same day sometimes.
5. Explaining to outsiders that one does not simply choose to go to Packers games.
Most folks can't wrap their heads around the way that we love the Packers. They don't know tickets aren't readily available or that the first thing you do for your newborn is put them on the season ticket waiting list. And we've all had that friend show up from out of town, thinking a last-minute game trip is in the cards, only to have to crush their hopes and dreams - or hope you win the lottery so you can buy them on the second-hand market.
6. When you complain about Illinois drivers only to realize your'e standing next to one.
There's nothing worse in the summer than wanting to head up to your cabin only to be stuck behind a long line of FIB's who spend their days complaining about Wisconsin only to spend their weekends vacationing here. I mean, thanks for the tourism dollars, but keep your bad driving at home!
7. The feeling of kicking someone when they're down when you pick on Minnesota athletics.
Wisconsin has won Paul Bunyan's Axe 13 years in a row and 20 of the past 22 years. Phil Kessel may have won a Stanley Cup, but when he publicly chose the Gophers over his hometown Badgers "to win a National Championship" it didn't go so well for him. (I'll let you guess who won the title that year.) We have a pretty decent rivalry with this goofy Gophers, but since we've been dominating it so much, it kind of takes the fun out of it.
8. Slipping and falling on an icy sidewalk.
We should all be better at this than we are. We get complacent and cocky and we think we know how to handle the ice better than anyone else. Then the first patch of ice on a sidewalk comes along and we're on our bums same as everyone else. It's so embarrassing.
9. Letting your battery die in the middle of winter without jumper cables in your trunk.
Whether it's because of an early or late snow and freeze or because you just plain got complacent, we've all had that moment where our suddenly not-so-trusty car looses it's will to live through another Wisconsin winter and we're caught without the equipment to deal with it. I know it's June, but here's your reminder to go check your trunk for warm clothes, a blanket and a pair of jumper cables.
10. When someone tries to pronounce pretty much any place name in Wisconsin and you have to try not to laugh at them.
If you're ever really in need of a laugh, search YouTube for videos of people trying to pronounce Wisconsin cities. These come up every few years, usually tied to some sort of sports contest where Wisconsinites invade some town and the locals are all a bit dazed. Bonus points on this one if it's a tourist of some sort asking for directions and it takes you multiple minutes just to figure out where they're trying to head but you can't because they've butchered the place name so badly.
11. When someone gives you really bad cheese.
Have you ever been traveling or visiting someone's house and they serve you cheese and you have to make the face of the guy in this picture while you try to determine what it is you just put in your mouth? It usually takes spending prolonged time out of state to realize that the best cheese elsewhere is still worse than what we sell in gas stations here.
12. Getting caught in a March (or April. Or May. Or September.) blizzard.
There's nothing worse than enjoying a spring or fall day only to have it interrrupted by a snow storm. Of course, that's pretty much par for the course and anyone trying to plan an event (especially a wedding) in April or May in Wisconsin is pretty much asking to be snowed on.
13. When someone makes fun of your accent and you have to remind them that the Midwestern dialect is what they teach people in Hollywood so they sound the most American.
Folks around the country love a good long, nasally Wisconsin "O" sound, but they're clearly wrong and uncouth. We speak perfectly normal here, thank you very much, and it's all the rest of you who sound strange. Please catch up.