As you finish wrapping Christmas presents, baking cookies, and prepare to welcome out-of-state friends and family to Pennsylvania, your mind just might wander to how you’re going to deal with all of those out-of-staters utterly falling in love with PA and wanting to move here. Here are 18 reasons no one should ever move to Pennsylvania – pretty good arguments you can use just about any time, including this holiday season.
1. We have absolutely nothing to do…
PA is just so utterly boring. Amusement parks, museums, state parks, caverns, homemade food, international markets, lawnmower races, professional sports teams...sigh. If only we had something to do.
2. Culture...what's that?
We look wistfully at New York City and other cultural hubs as we visit the Andy Warhol Museum, stroll through Gettysburg National Military Park, and take in a show at the Kimmel Center in Philadelphia.
3. We eat really weird foods.
Scrapple. Shoofly pie. TastyKake. It's pure PA.
4. The landscape is utterly boring with…
Really, what is there to see as you explore Pennsylvania? Who really likes gushing waterfalls anyway?
5. Nothing but cows…
Or clear lakes with the clouds reflecting off of the water?
6. Old farmhouses and…
Or enchanting small towns like South Renovo?
And, forget the covered bridges that dot the landscape. What a snooze.
8. Tailgating is a state sport as is…
Even if you're driving the speed limit, you're not going fast enough for us in PA.
9. Dodging deer.
We spend years honing our deer dodging skills.
10. We hate spending time outdoors…
After all, there's so very little to do in the outdoors in PA. Unless, of course, you count snow tubing, skiing, swimming, hiking, horseback riding, and visiting state parks.
11. Almost as much as we hate sports.
It's not like everyone in PA is in front of the television on football Sunday...oh, wait.
12. And have you seen our hair in the humidity of a Pennsylvania summer?
So, we all have the same frizzy do in the summer and there's not much we can do about it.
13. Too bad we don't have any beaches where we can cool off.
If only there was a sprawling beach overlooking the water, like Presque Isle in Erie, we wouldn't have to drive to Maryland or fly to Florida to get our beach fix.
14. Philly and Pittsburgh? Nothing more than pollution pits…
Can't you just feel your throat clog looking a the polluted Philly skyline?
15. But, Philly and Pittsburgh are pretty much all we've got in PA.
That's right. Two big cities and a big sprawling mass of nothing in between. Small charming towns are just something we read about in books and see on TV.
16. No one ever succeeds...unless they leave PA.
You can really only succeed in Pennsylvania if you, well, leave. Surely Mister Rogers and Andrew Carnegie were only flukes, right? (A non-native, Carnegie actually came to Pennsylvania to amass his fortune.)
17. Pennsylvanians have absolutely no idea what innovation means.
Pennsylvanians sure haven't added much to progression unless, of course, you consider Benjamin Franklin, who invented biofocals and the odometer; Jonas Salk who created the polio vaccine; and George Ferris who gave us the Ferris Wheel. Oh, and that's just the start...
18. People who are born here never ever, ever leave.
If you are born in or move to PA, you will never ever get out because, well, you won't want to leave. But, really is that such a bad thing?