Boston January 14, 2018
15 Reasons Why You Should Never, Ever Move To Boston
Between colleges and career opportunities, Boston attracts many newcomers each year. However, for every person who congratulates you on your upcoming move to The Hub, there’s a naysayer warning you about bitter winters. Next time you hear that kind of talk, surprise the person by agreeing with them. After all, it’s just fine with us if negative nellies remain in the dark about what the
true awesomeness of Boston. Check out this (totally tongue-in-cheek) list of 15 reasons why you should never, ever move to Boston.
1. You get complacent about winning.
And all those victory parades are a nuisance. They just clog up the streets. It’s so much better to only win once a century. That way fans really appreciate it.
2. You'll never be the smartest person in the room.
Education's no joke in this town - game nights and trivia contests can get intense.
3. In fact, you’ll be educated against your will.
While no one’s going to shove you into a classroom at gunpoint, there’s history all around us so you can’t help but absorb the information.
4. Your work attendance record will suffer in summer.
Beach day, sick day... same thing, right? You've got to get your vitamin D.
5. You won’t be able to appreciate fall in other places.
All other autumns will be ruined by views like this.
6. Winter is just as bad as you’ve heard.
There’s nothing to do. We all stay inside. And the sight of snow-dusted tree limbs? Not remotely pretty.
7. You’ll be stuck in an urban environment 24/7.
Once you’re in the city, there’s nary a hint of nature. No parks, green spaces, or water views here.
8. You’ll end up walking
This is "America’s Walking City." The even scarier part? You might even enjoy the exercise.
9. You’ll have to bowl with these.
Oh, the hardship. League night is ruined.
10. With so many restaurants, it's impossible to choose where to eat.
And if you
do manage to pick one, you'll have to wait forever in line. (Ok, that part might not be so sarcastic...)
11. The food will tempt you to ditch your diet.
Maybe that's why we walk so much?
12. You’ll develop an unbreakable, lifelong addiction to Dunks.
And it's not like there's one on every corner to get your fix.
13. Haven't you heard? Bostonians are supposed to be unfriendly.
We never crack a smile - you wouldn't even know we had teeth unless you caught us dining in one of Boston's delicious restaurants.
14. There's peer pressure to celebrate... all of the time.
From our massive First Night and Fourth of July celebrations to holidays we clearly invented in order to have more traffic jam-inducing parades. Patriots' Day? Please.
15. When you're driving in Boston, it feels like the traffic around you is doing this:
Either you'll develop quicker reflexes or take advantage of mass transit.
If you ever need to discourage someone from becoming your neighbor, you know where to start! What else would you say to sneakily keep someone away? Share your thoughts in the comments!
You may also like our past article:
16 Ways Living In Boston Ruins You For Life.