15 Pieces Of Advice Every Arkansan Has Received At Least Once

I’m willing to bet that the one thing every human being has in their life is someone, or a whole load of someones, who gives them unnecessary advice. Arkansas is no different, except that some of our methods of advice-giving are a bit more colorful than the average "helpful" suggestion. From the painfully obvious to adorable grandma-isms, here are 15 pieces of advice every Arkansan has received at least once.

1. “It’s better to be peeved off than peed on.”

Y’all see how I avoided the mild cuss in that one? My grandmother tells me this every time I get angry.

2. “Never go to bed angry.”

But what if I’m angry because my spouse won’t stop stealing the covers? What am I supposed to do with my feelings then?

3. “Bring your bug spray.”

Oh, really? Because I thought I’d wear a sign inviting mosquitoes and ticks to feast upon my tender flesh.

4. “You can’t make a silk purse from a sow’s ear.”

But what if I want a leather purse? Who wants a silk purse anyway? So impractical.

5. “Bring your jacket. Never know what that weather is gonna do.”

Well, honey, I’ve been living here since I was four months old. So maybe I already knew Arkansas weather is unpredictable. After all, the picture above was taken in Fayetteville in May of 2013.

6. “I don’t know ‘bout ‘at. That dog won’t hunt.”

But what about my idea though? Does it have traction? Also, you don’t know my dog. He’s a good boy. Yes he is. He’s a good boy. He’s the best hunting boy in the whole world. Yes he is.

7. “If you don’t stop that cryin’, I’ll give you something to cry about.”

Yes ma’am is the only appropriate response to this advice. She is serious, friends. Don’t cross Mama when she’s in this state of mind.

8. “Don’t pee down my back and tell me it’s rainin’.”

I’m sorry. I’ll restrict my peeing to the bathroom.

9. “Don’t drive through water.”

Well, duh. That "if the creek don’t rise" thing is true in the Natural State, and yet every year lots of people lose their cars and threaten their lives by trying to drive through high water.

10. “Even a fish wouldn’t get caught if he kept his mouth closed.”

This one is just true.

11. “Don’t eat the yellow snow.”

We don’t have snow very often, so we really do have to remind our children of this simple piece of advice.

12. “If his lips are movin’, he’s lyin’.”

The person giving you this advice is usually right.

13. “I’m about to jerk a knot in your tail.”

This one just sounds like a statement of fact, but it really is advice. It means you better shape up or start running, friend.

14. “You are skinny as a rail. Eat some cornbread, child.”

No matter your weight, most Arkansans have a grandmother who at one point in their childhoods thought they were too skinny. Though it’s not nice to say that kind of thing to a kid, telling someone to eat cornbread is generally good advice.

15. “I don’t care if you think you’re right, even a blind squirrel finds a nut eventually.”

Translation: Honey, you are 700% wrong and probably a dummy too, bless your heart.

For things all Arkansans heard growing up, click here. To find out why Arkansans are obviously the best, try this one.