New Mexico December 14, 2016
15 Reasons Why You Should Never, Ever Move To New Mexico
Obviously, we adore New Mexico but, whenever we produce an article like “
18 Reasons Living In New Mexico Is The Best – And Everyone Should Move Here,” readers beg us not to encourage others to relocate. Most New Mexicans are happy to welcome visitors to the Land of Enchantment, but that attitude shifts fast when people talk about permanently moving.
Look, we get why you want to keep New Mexico a secret. So we thought we’d help you to repel would-be transplants. Here are 15 reasons why people should stay far far away from New Mexico:
We’re aware that these uncertain times are limiting many aspects of life. While we continue to feature destinations that make our state wonderful, please take proper precautions or add them to your bucket list to see at a later date. If you know of a local business that could use some extra support during these times, please nominate them here:
1. New Mexico is a foreign country.
You definitely need a passport and a visa to visit.
2. You can’t drink the water.
Guess you'll have to live on margaritas instead!
3. The only things that grow here are cacti and dust.
We couldn't possibly grow roughly a quarter of the country's pecan crop or the best chiles in the world right here in New Mexico.
4. We have two temperatures: hot and hotter.
Yep, definitely just the one season.
5. Your skin will dry out until this guy could be mistaken for your cousin.
You can try to moisturize but there's only so much you can do against dry heat.
6. We’re routinely abducted and taken aboard spaceships, which is terrible for all the reasons you’re imagining...
...but also because their inflight movies suck.
7. Other than that, nothing exciting happens in the square states. Everyone knows that all the action is on the coasts.
New Mexico is strictly a no-fun zone.
8. We don’t have a coastline so summer is lame.
No lakes or water sports or other outdoor activities to enjoy in the Land of Enchantment.
9. Our wildlife will sting, bite, or generally try to murder you...
10. …If the tumbleweeds don’t get you first.
In spring you get bonus points for dodging them as you drive.
11. We’re basically Arizona without the Grand Canyon so the scenery is monotonous.
Yawn. Bored now.
12. There are more animals than people in New Mexico, so good luck making friends.
It's a social desert. Not another person in sight.
13. If you move here, you’ll have to eat chiles at every meal, including breakfast.
(Okay, this one’s kind of true.)
14. You're also required to work as a meth manufacturer. Just ask Walter White.
No jobs in government, tourism, energy or science. Not a one.
15. Santa Fe and Albuquerque are the only places in New Mexico.
So if you’ve already visited them, there’s nothing else to see here folks. Move along.
In case we’ve repelled any locals, here’s a reminder of
what you’d miss if you moved away.