Posted in New Mexico December 14, 2016 by

15 Reasons Why You Should Never, Ever Move To New Mexico

Obviously, we adore New Mexico but, whenever we produce an article like “18 Reasons Living In New Mexico Is The Best – And Everyone Should Move Here,” readers beg us not to encourage others to relocate. Most New Mexicans are happy to welcome visitors to the Land of Enchantment, but that attitude shifts fast when people talk about permanently moving.

Look, we get why you want to keep New Mexico a secret. So we thought we’d help you to repel would-be transplants. Here are 15 reasons why people should stay far far away from New Mexico:

1. New Mexico is a foreign country.
Flickr/J Aaron Farr
You definitely need a passport and a visa to visit.
2. You can’t drink the water.
Flickr/Gioconda Beekman
Guess you'll have to live on margaritas instead!
3. The only things that grow here are cacti and dust.
Flickr/Aileen's Pics
We couldn't possibly grow roughly a quarter of the country's pecan crop or the best chiles in the world right here in New Mexico.
4. We have two temperatures: hot and hotter.
Flickr/petiteoiseau_noire
Yep, definitely just the one season.
5. Your skin will dry out until this guy could be mistaken for your cousin.
Flickr/tom spinker
You can try to moisturize but there's only so much you can do against dry heat.
6. We’re routinely abducted and taken aboard spaceships, which is terrible for all the reasons you’re imagining...
Flickr/Brad Spry
...but also because their inflight movies suck.
7. Other than that, nothing exciting happens in the square states. Everyone knows that all the action is on the coasts.
Flickr/CCV Student Services
New Mexico is strictly a no-fun zone.
8. We don’t have a coastline so summer is lame.
Flickr/Joel Deluxe
No lakes or water sports or other outdoor activities to enjoy in the Land of Enchantment.
9. Our wildlife will sting, bite, or generally try to murder you...
Flickr/Larry Lamsa
Vicious, right?
10. …If the tumbleweeds don’t get you first.
Flickr/Anders Nelson
In spring you get bonus points for dodging them as you drive.
11. We’re basically Arizona without the Grand Canyon so the scenery is monotonous.
Flickr/Brandon
Yawn. Bored now.
Flickr/Matt Hendrick
12. There are more animals than people in New Mexico, so good luck making friends.
Flickr/Christopher Holden
It's a social desert. Not another person in sight.
13. If you move here, you’ll have to eat chiles at every meal, including breakfast.
Flickr/Paul Asman and Jill Lenoble
(Okay, this one’s kind of true.)
14. You're also required to work as a meth manufacturer. Just ask Walter White.
Flickr/National Nuclear Security Administration
No jobs in government, tourism, energy or science. Not a one.
15. Santa Fe and Albuquerque are the only places in New Mexico.
Flickr/Jasperdo
So if you’ve already visited them, there’s nothing else to see here folks. Move along.

In case we’ve repelled any locals, here’s a reminder of what you’d miss if you moved away.

Address: New Mexico, USA