I Didn’t Enjoy Family Vacations, so I Started Taking My Kids on One-On-One Trips

I have four kids who range in age from six to 13. Over the last 10+ years, my husband and I have dutifully loaded up the family minivan for annual vacations at the beach: Lake Michigan, The Outer Banks, Destin, Hilton Head. (Living in Cincinnati, Ohio, vacation = the beach.)

My kids had fun, and I'm glad we did it. But to call these adventures "vacations" would be a lie; these weeks required extensive planning, funds, and energy.

I've gone on trips where one or many of my kids screamed the entire drive. The. Entire. (11 Hour) Drive.

I've gone on trips where rear-facing kiddos battled -- and lost -- car sickness. (Don't ask me about the time my oldest, then 18 months, threw up all over his carseat in our rental car. In the middle of the night. In rural North Carolina. Oof.)

I've gone on trips where my kids fought like feral cats and dogs for the entirety of the drive, poking, teasing, ignoring, elbowing, etc, ad nauseam.

I've gone on trips where my husband and I drove through the night, arriving at our rental in the wee hours of the morning, just as the kids opened their eyes.

I planned these vacations because, frankly, I was supposed to. I posted pictures on social media that painted a rosy picture that wasn't true, not really.

I love my family, but I didn't love these vacations.

This year, everything changed when a series of events had me staying in town while my family drove to Hilton Head for spring break. That weekend, I attended the funeral of a very important person in my life. I was still mourning him when I flew down to Hilton Head on a Monday, still in that fuzzy haze of loss when my family picked me up from the airport.

We arrived at the rental, but nothing felt right.

It was loud, messy, and overwhelming – this is life with four kids and a 90-pound pup. We walked to the beach and went mini golfing and did all the things we usually do on vacation, but something felt off. We were on vacation at a beautiful beach in a luxury villa, but I was simultaneously mourning and "mom," cleaning and corralling, emotionally exhausted and stretched too thin. I wasn't having fun, and I realized I wanted to have fun.

My return flight got me home a day earlier than the rest of my family. During this time, I had space to reflect. My kids were getting older, and while it's true I now have a new set of parental challenges, the day-to-day "management" of being a mom has gotten easier. Everyone is potty trained, and bedtime isn't a nightmare. I had a revelatory thought at 12,000 feet: What if I took each of my kids on trips? What if I traded big family vacations for smaller, one-on-one adventures? What if I made these trips fun... for me?

I decided to give it a try.

In August, I took my 11-year-old to Austin, Texas. We explored an urban park with peacocks, cooled off in Hamilton Pool, and ate our weight in chips and guac at All. The. Austin. Taquerias.

In September, my six-year-old daughter and I spent a memorable weekend in Nashville, Tennessee. We saw the Tennessee Capitol building, went to the Nashville Farmer's Market, toured the Grand Ole Opry, and ate too many french fries.

In October, I explored Washington, D.C., for the very first time in my life alongside my wonderful 13-year-old. We navigated the Metro, took scooters down the National Mall, immersed ourselves in museums, and also ate too many french fries (I love french fries).

Over Thanksgiving break, I am taking my 10-year-old to the Everglades. We're going to take an airboat tour, see some alligators, visit the beach, and eat too many french fries, obviously. I can't wait.

With careful planning and strategic use of travel points and rewards, I've been able to take *all* of these trips for less than *one* big, family vacation. My husband, who travels often for his job (visiting Spain and Italy earlier this year, in fact), enjoys the chance for some quality dad time and is more than happy to "hold down the fort" while I'm gone. We don't have to arrange for pet care, or mail holds. I get to come home to a (quasi) clean house and full fridge, not mountains of laundry and nothing to eat.

On a more personal note, I return from these trips tired, but happy. I feel more closely bonded with my kids, a bucket of experiences that form core memories and inspire our next adventures. My kids see me as a fun travel buddy, a human who's so much more than "just" the person cooking, cleaning, driving, homeworking, and managing.

On the flight back from D.C., I got to talking to the woman across the aisle. She was returning home to her husband and toddler after a girls' weekend with her mom. When I told her about my trip with Julian and recent trips with my other kids, she said I was giving my kids the greatest gift. "My husband still talks about the weeklong trip to Europe he took with his father and what an impact it had on him," she said. "That trip was over 20 years ago."

One of the best reasons to travel is to have new experiences, and when done with the people closest to you, they can be life-changing.

These travels have enriched my home life, too. I find myself much more present, and in the moment, we've started regular family game nights and weekend movie marathons. We go on hikes as a family, and, more broadly, we spend more quality time together.

I'm sure the family vacations will resume at some point, but in the meantime, I have a big, long list of places to explore. And four wholly unique and wonderful little humans who are the very best travel companions.