So many people turn to crime to solve their problems rather than solve them in a civil manner. But for all of the violent crimes that happen, there are those that just make you laugh or at least scratch your head and go “huh?!” Here are eight of Wisconsin’s dumbest criminals.
We’re aware that these uncertain times are limiting many aspects of life as we all practice social and physical distancing. While we’re continuing to feature destinations that make our state wonderful, we don’t expect or encourage you to go check them out immediately. We believe that supporting local attractions is important now more than ever and we hope our articles inspire your future adventures! And on that note, please nominate your favorite local business that could use some love right now:
1. Melissa Jacobson
On March 30, 2015, Melissa Jacobson started her day doing something most of us do from time to time: returning things to customer service. We know that the lines can be long. Apparently, Jacobson agreed, and she left the line temporarily to answer nature's call. But rather than use a bathroom like normal humans, she ducked behind a cash register and fully relieved herself there. Her act was caught on a security camera, but employees didn't notice it until they started smelling something disgusting. They discovered the customer's deposit and immediately consulted surveillance cameras. Jacobson was wearing a shirt, ironically, that said "dropping a load." Police came to her home and she was still wearing the same t-shirt. She was charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.
2. Jamie Hang
Jamie Hang was driving in Manitowoc on January 18, 2014. On the same road, Steven Gove was on his route delivering newspapers. Hang ended up hitting Gove, and Gove went through his windshield. But Hang didn't even notice. Gove apparently said to Hang, while he was lodged in the windshield, "Hey, I'm the guy you hit on the bicycle." Hang proceeded to drive home without acknowledging Gove. It was only until Hang got home that he said to Gove, "Who are you?" and commenced freaking out about going to jail. Hang was charged.
3. Cordell Ellingson
In July 2013, Cordell encouraged an unnamed minor to go and rob a neighborhood grocery store. The masked robber entered the store and confronted 96-year-old Margaretta Wolf. He demanded that she open the cash register and even flashed a knife. Wolf responded, "You can have all the Tootsie Rolls you want but I am not opening that cash register." The youth got frustrated, noticed the security camera, and fled. Both youths were apprehended.
4. Jarad S. Carr
Here's some good advice, something Jarar Carr learned the hard way: always have a receipt. On March 8, 2013 came to the Lake Hallie Walmart to return a printer. He didn't have a receipt. Employees examined the device and found paper with counterfeit hundred dollars bills printed on them. Whoops. He was arrested for attempted threat by fraud.
5. Houaka Yang
On May 11, 2012, Yang decided to go on a little crime spree, stealing stuff out of cars. One of those items was a video camera. Unbeknownst to Yang, he was caught on a surveillance camera, so cops were led right to him. But what Yang did with the camera he stole might be one of the dumbest things ever. Yang proceeded to turn the camera on and record a video where he bragged about stealing the camera. So when cops seized the camera, they found the confession--on tape. That has to be the most open and shut case of all time.
6. Julia E. Laack
In October 2009, Laack, apparently hard up for cash, decided to shoplift at a Sheboygan liquor store. She took a lighter as well as some beef jerky. Police tracked Laack at her home. Laack decided to completely disrobe, and was convinced that by being naked, this meant that cops couldn't arrest her. Unfortunately for Laack, who was not a legal expert, she was in fact arrested. Let that be a lesson for you.
7. Bryan Wendler
When you've already been arrested for a DUI 5 times, you aren't the smartest human being. But the 6th time that Wendler got arrested for the DUI might have been his most memorable. Well, memorable for others, because this guy had no idea what was going on. In January 2013, Wendler's car was sitting idle in the middle of the street. Cops investigated, and Wendler was slumped over the wheel asleep. When cops got Wendler out of the vehicle, they noticed he was wearing a shirt that said, "Been Drinking? Free Breathalyzer Test: Blow Here" with an arrow pointing to his crotch. Well, needless to say, Wendler blew a .19.
8. James Summers
Either James Summers had a lifelong dream of working at a Denny's or he was just really hungry. In one of the more bizarre arrest reports, Summers waltzed into a Madison Denny's in February 2012. He was dressed up in a coat and tie and claimed to be sent over from corporate. Something didn't seem right to the people at Denny's, so while they were calling corporate to inquire, Summers put his plan into action. He began to cook himself a cheeseburger and fries. Summers was arrested.