Northern California December 18, 2016
15 Reasons Why You Should Never, Ever Move To Northern California
It’s a rough place to live, but someone’s gotta do it. Luckily Northern California is home to only the toughest, most self sacrificing kind of folk out there. I mean, look at all these incredibly awful things we have to put up with!
1. The likelihood you’ll get in a car accident increases exponentially because you won’t be able to keep your eyes on the road.
There’s just too much to look at.
2. Summer here is just awful. Our beaches are cold and definitely not beautiful.
It's just miserable living in the most beautiful place imaginable.
3. There's never anything to do. We basically just sit around twiddling our thumbs all day.
Hiking, biking, crafting, gardening, rafting, surfing, horseback riding, spending time outdoors with loved ones...meh.
4. Winter is pretty rough too.
People really miss experiencing the seasons when they move to a temperate place like Northern California, where it’s always sunny and 80 degrees.
5. San Francisco is the only thing worth checking out in the whole Northern Part of the state.
Take a flight to the bay and don’t bother venturing out of it when you visit.
6. Oh also, the people are so rude and unwelcoming.
You'll never make any friends here.
7. The boring view you see from I-5 is all there is. Seriously, there's nothing else. Don't even bother exploring other places.
I absolutely hate veering off the beaten path and discovering something wonderful and new.
8. It's just plain ugly here and I can’t say it enough. There’s really nothing to do.
Don't ever, ever move here.
9. The landscape can’t make up its mind.
Drive 30 minutes to a couple hours and your scenery can change from mountainous to flat to hilly to forest to coastline. It’s so annoying to live somewhere so breathtaking.
10. There’s no fresh fruits and veggies available in the state. You’re likely to get scurvy the minute you move here.
(Did you know that Sacramento is known as the Farm to Fork Capital of the World?)
11. When you travel out of state, you’ll tell people you’re from Northern California and they’ll assume you’re from the Bay Area.
They only bay I knew about growing up was the sound that cows make.
12. We have a really boring state history.
No exciting stories about rugged outdoorsmen risking everything to strike it rich during the gold rush. No heros of the wild west. Nothing exciting has ever, ever happened.
13. The state insect is really a nuisance to society.
We envy other states that have more exciting and less beautiful bugs representing them.
14. If you move here you’ll probably lose all desire to travel out of state because there are so many places here in Northern California that you would rather go instead. We actually have every climate and experience you could possible want to visit. Did somebody say staycation?
What a terrible view!
15. All people in Northern California care about is pop culture and strip malls. We aren’t connected to our roots in the slightest.
A show of hands, please, for those of us who still remember learning how to square dance in second grade!
Now that we have established how awful it is to live here, move along please. Those of use reading this who are Northern Californians have a lot of great… I mean, awful ways to spend our time in this really unfortunate place we’ve found ourselves.
For more Northern California knee slappers, check out
Words and Phrases that People in Northern California Just Don’t Understand and Not Many People Realize That These 8 Things Are Actually Illegal In Northern California.