15 Reasons Why You Should Never, Ever Move To Missouri
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Vanessa
Author
I have nothing but love for the great state of Missouri, but do you ever catch yourself having to answer to others on why you live here? Well, maybe it’s better if we tell them why they shouldn’t live here, in order to protect our hidden gem of a beautiful state.
Despite being home to the Current River, Johnson Shut-Ins, Elephant Rocks and other geological wonders, you'll want to steer clear and just fly right over Missouri. Really, nothing to see here.
I mean, maybe if you enjoy concerts from top music artists at various music venues throughout Kansas City and St. Louis. But music...who enjoys that?
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So? We may have had back-to-back appearances in the World Series and we may have one of the best football teams in the league right now. But that doesn't mean we have great sport teams. Oh, wait. Actually, it does.
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So many hillbillies that one of America's most beloved shows, "The Beverly Hillbillies," was based around a family from the Ozarks. We'll take that over the yuppies from "Laguna Beach" any day.
What's that smell? Is that...fresh air? How disgusting.
It's true, we don't have much capacity for condescendence, cruelty or snobbery. So you'll just have to deal with our annoyingly kind, down-to-earth nature.
It really is a problem. There are way too many BBQ joints - I'm going to have to make a very tough decision on where to get mouthwatering burnt ends tonight.
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Yeah, it's super hot and muggy. We get it. Just don't go and try to find refuge in one of our beautiful, refreshing watering holes while you're here.
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Unfortunately, snowy winters came with the deal when we signed our contract to the Midwest. Still, we're much better off than the frigid temps you'll find in Chicago or Minneapolis.
We don't have oceans, nor do we have the Great Lakes. But we do have the Current River, Lake of The Ozarks and the Eleven Point River. But since you were too quick to judge our water sources, you are uninvited to this summer's float trip.
Don't tell that to Taum Sauk Mountain, which happens to be the state's high point and one of the most beautiful state parks. And if it's so flat, then I challenge you to run the Kansas City Marathon. Your calves and glutes won't think it's too flat for long.
Forget about First Fridays in Kansas City's Crossroads Arts District. While you're at it, forget about Saint Louis's Art Museum and the Nelson-Atkins Museum in Kansas City. We seriously have nothing creative here. Really, I swear.
From haunted prisons to haunted mansions, Missouri can get kind of spooky. So you should probably just turn around now. We even have haunted wineries, like the beautiful Belvoir Winery - a must-visit.
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If you call having a national forest named after our most beloved home-grown author, "obsessed," then yes, we're obsessed. But if you think it's so silly, then I would advise you to steer clear of this amazing author's hometown in Missouri.
Sure. Except for this iconic arch that just over 4 million tourists travel to see each year.
As you can see, Missouri is truly a horrible place to live. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. Unless you already live here, then you can certainly stay. What’s your least favorite or most favorite thing about living in the Show-Me State? Let us know!
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