Texas March 24, 2016
20 Surefire Ways To Always Spot A Tourist In Texas
Being from Texas is like being part of a club – we can spot fellow members a mile away, and outsiders stick out like a sore thumb. They might not be wearing Hawaiian shirts and sporting binoculars around their neck, but we still know when someone doesn’t quite fit in with the rest of us. From asking whether we really get around on horseback to saying “you guys” instead of “y’all,” here are 20 ways you can be sure someone is a tourist in the Lone Star State.
1. If their suitcase doesn't have clothing for every possible weather condition, they're probably a tourist.
2. If they order unsweetened tea...
3. ...refuse to dunk their chips, entire meal, and possibly even their fingers in queso...
4. ...or wonder if we really need a pit THIS big to cook our barbecue, they probably aren't from Texas.
5. They're most likely a tourist if the first place they want to go is Austin...
6. ...or are decked out in Cowboys gear in an attempt to "fit in".
7. If the best joke they can come up with is, "So, do you ride your horse to work?" chances are they're from out-of-state.
8. They're DEFINITELY not from Texas if they use the words "you guys" together in a sentence.
9. If football isn't their religion...
10. ...or they ask why the girls at the homecoming game made such poor fashion choices, they're most definitely an impostor.
11. If they wonder why a creepy cowboy is guarding the state fair...
12. ...or why Houston seems to get a million times busier during the month of March...
13. ...or dare to ask if everything is REALLY bigger in Texas, they're probably a tourist.
14. Oh, they don't own a gun?
15. Every sentence out of their mouth doesn't end in a "ma'am or "sir"?
16. They can't pronounce the name of this town?
17. And they don't make a mad dash for HEB when they're out of something and there's a Kroger across the street? Tourist.
18. If their fridge isn't filled to the brim with Blue Bell...
19. ...and they say the cleanest restroom on earth is at their house, they aren't a Texan.
20. And, most notably of all, if that unmistakable Texas pride isn't oozing out of every pore in their body, they're absolutely, positively, no doubt about it, a tourist.
How else can you spot tourists in Texas?