Virginia December 19, 2015
13 Things People From Virginia Will Never Ever Admit (Out Loud)
We have definite bragging rights here in Virginia. We have beauty, charm and grace to spare. We have natural wonders and man-made splendors aplenty. But sometimes, so I’ve heard, we tend to be a bit proud of ourselves. With that pride comes a tendency not to admit a few things. And there are a few things that we think, some satirically and some TOTALLY for real, that we might admit to other Virginians, but wouldn’t dream of telling the rest of the world.
So keep in mind this is just for fun…and as far as I’m concerned, this conversation
1. Sometimes it’s hard to love the Redskins.
Redskins, we support you faithfully. We defend you in front of other people. We believe in you when no one else does. But sometimes…it just feels like we’re the only one making an effort in this relationship. Just once, it would be nice if you would win a game after we've gone through so much trouble to look pretty for you.
2. We have just as many things to make fun of as West Virginia.
It’s legal to marry your cousin in Virginia. Not in West Virginia. Just saying.
3. We like to brag about our 4 beautiful seasons, but Virginia weather can be really, really weird. Just insanely weird.
We praise our seasons all the time – and we should. When Mother Nature gets it right in Virginia, she NAILS it. But 70 degrees at Christmas? Snow in April? And you can count on it being the exact opposite the next year. I still love our seasons and think they’re among the best anywhere. But really. SOMETIMES, Virginia.
4. This isn’t so much an admission as much as something we just don’t want to talk about: Bob McDonnell.
It’s easier just to say “He Who Must Not Be Named.”
5. For a while there, Jamestown was actually one big hot mess.
Yes, it was the first permanent English settlement. Yes, it was the result of perseverance and hard work. But truthfully? It started with a bunch of investors, not farmers. We weren’t always cool to the Native Americans – and they weren’t always happy with us. During the winter of 1609-10, known as “The Starving Time,” 80 percent of the colonists died and there was cannibalism. Let’s just say, it took us awhile to get it right. But get it right we did, thankfully.
6. We have accents.
I’m sorry, but it’s true. Of course, there’s no single accent for all of the state – we range from good ol’ southern mountain accents to the more refined Southern drawl of the Tidewater. So actually, maybe YOU don’t have an accent, but rest assured, everyone else does.
7. There’s partial nudity and murder going on in the proud crest of our Commonwealth.
We don’t really talk about it. I suppose we barely notice it because we’ve always known it as it is. But take a closer look. It’s an image of “Virtue” stomping on “Tyranny.” The message is good, but maybe there’s a nicer way to portray it? “Virtue” as a pretty Virginia cardinal riding on the back of “Tyranny,” a slightly clumsy unicorn, perhaps? Same message. Less weirdness.
8. Tea can be too sweet.
I may be swarmed by angry mobs with torches and pitchforks for saying it, but tea should probably not have the same consistency as syrup. Well, maybe syrup is OK. Just not molasses.
9. We are a little confused about our identity as Virginians.
We can’t really claim to be deep south. But we’re not northern. Sometimes it’s hard to say what we are. I guess we’re a little bit of everything…and I have to admit, it’s that diversity that makes me love Virginia even more. Thanks to
The Bull Elephant
for putting this great map together!
10. We sometimes, and only sometimes, take our history a little too seriously.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good reenactment as much as the next person. I’m just saying that we get into it…like, REALLY into it on occasion.
11. Sometimes even WE forget that Washington, DC is not part of Virginia.
I don’t mean we LITERALLY forget it. I just mean that we tend to get annoyed when out-of-staters lump us with DC, but it’s really easy to blur the lines. Northern Virginians often say, “I’m from DC” because it’s easier than explaining the NoVA suburbs. Other times, we automatically put the sites of DC on our “tour of Virginia” itinerary when out-of-state guests come to visit. Fact is, it’s pretty cool to share a border with the capital of our nation and there’s nothing wrong with laying a little claim to it.
12. North Carolina has really great barbecue…like REALLY great.
We’re kind of possessive about our barbecue and like to think ours is the best. But North Carolina might just do it a little better. Wait, what? No? Absolutely not. Or maybe. Yes? Hmmm, just pretend I didn’t even mention this one.
13. With more U.S. presidents from Virginia than any other state, we are proud of being the “Mother of Presidents.” But depending on how you count, we’re actually tied with Ohio.
Ok, here’s the deal. More U.S. presidents were BORN in Virginia, eight in all. More U.S. presidents were ELECTED from Ohio, also eight. Call it what you want, we still get to claim George. And now we shall never speak of this again.
Don’t worry, Virginia. I’ll never tell. In the meantime, give us a few more fun things to add to the list! We would love to hear your contributions in the comments below.