10 Things You Should Never Do In Utah

Utah has so many vast spaces that if you trek off on your own and fall off the side of a cliff, it could be days before anyone finds you. It's always safer to hike with at least one other person.

If you just really love the idea of the solitude that comes from a lone hike, at least tell someone where you'll be and when you expect to return - then stick closely to your itinerary. I don't have to remind you about that guy who got stuck in a slot canyon and had to hack off his own arm, do I? Sure, he got a book deal and a movie...but it just doesn't seem worth it.

Those signs and ropes are there for a reason. Experienced backcountry skiers know the safety protocol and have the appropriate equipment (including avalanche beacons). If you don't know what that protocol is, you have no business skiing away from the resort. Stay in bounds and enjoy your entire avalanche-free day on the slopes!

Did you know that on Tuesday, kids eat free in the cafeteria at IKEA? Picture this: hundreds of toddlers running amuck through the aisles and displays, darting out in front of your cart without looking. Screaming babies around every corner. Tuesday is a wonderful day to head to IKEA if you're a stay-at-home mom and need some entertainment and free lunch for the kiddos. Otherwise, wait until Wednesday.

Utahns know that the only people who get a kick out of trying to swim in the Great Salt Lake are the tourists. Resist the urge to take your out-of-town friends to the lake if they're visiting in May. Why? The brine fly population is at its peak in mid-May, which much guarantees that you'll spend your day swatting at clouds of flies and trying not to swallow the ones that get in your mouth. Yuck.

Just because you've seen that moose on your favorite hiking trail before doesn't mean that she's amenable to a close-up selfie with your iPhone, especially now that she has her calf with her. That's 800 pounds of moose you don't want to upset.

As you approach the pick up/drop off lanes at the airport, the speed limit drops down to 10 mph. When is the last time you tried to drive your car only 10 miles per hour? It's harder than you think. You have to keep your foot on the gas pedal, but only accelerate ever so slightly, or you'll hit 15 mph...and you can (and will) get pulled over for for 5 mph over.

So, you just took that first ski lesson and now your hardcore friends are sure you'll be able to handle that double black diamond run. What happens next is one of two things:

1) You'll end up inching your way down the slope on your butt (while being ridiculed by everyone on the mountain).

2) The ski patrols drags you down the mountain in a sled, then you get to the hospital via ambulance and have knee surgery to repair your torn ACL.

This needs no explanation...

LDS General Conference is held the first weekend of April and again in October. Have you ever tried to turn right from Main Street onto North Temple during Conference? Forget it - it's never going to happen because the pedestrians fill the crosswalk, even after the light turns red.

Have you ever tried to shovel 12 inches of snow off the sidewalk? It's backbreaking work. Instead, go out and shovel once the snow is three or four inches deep, then repeat throughout the day. That way you're less likely to throw out your back.

Note to self: Buy a snowblower before next winter.