1. You ignored a “Red Burn” day.
Utah’s pollution is horrible during winter months, but some Utahns just disregard the Red Burn Day warnings and build a cozy fire anyway. If Santa chokes to death on pollution while trying to deliver gifts over the Wasatch Front, it’s your fault.
2. You used low or non-fat ingredients to make Mormon potatoes.
Everyone knows that Mormon potatoes (aka funeral potatoes) are unhealthy, but delicious. Stop messing around with the recipe and just do an extra 20 minutes on the treadmill.
3. You failed to use your blinker to change lanes.
You’re just adding credibility to that Utah Bad Driver stereotype.
4. You took some petrified wood from the Escalante Petrified Forest State Park.
It’s illegal to take petrified wood from this state park, so Santa won’t be happy with you. Of course, this will be the least of your problems -- legend has it that you’ll also invoke an ancient curse, which brings bad luck.
5. You’re reading this list right now while sitting in church.
Really? Playing on your phone while you’re supposed to be worshipping? Santa might not be the only one who’s writing your name on that naughty list.
6. You didn’t vote.
It’s your responsibility as a Utah citizen to vote during local elections. If you didn’t, and you’re still complaining about how your city/county/state is run, you’re definitely on Santa’s naughty list.
7. You didn’t completely scrape your windshield off before you started driving.
Seriously, this is really dangerous. Take an extra few minutes to get ALL the snow and ice off your windows before you start the car. Otherwise, the lyrics to "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" might change to include your name.
8. You are the one neighbor on the street who always fails to shovel his walk.
There’s always that one house where the snow on the sidewalk is tamped down and icy because someone didn’t shovel. If that’s your house, Santa is writing your name on the naughty list right now.
9. You forgot to go to the liquor store before it closed for the holiday.
Now the eggnog is alcohol-free and the relatives aren’t amused. Not only is Santa upset that you didn’t plan better, but it’s going to be a long, long Christmas party.
10. You wore your Utes hoodie to the BYU football game party hosted by your family in Utah County.
There’s passive-aggressive, and then there’s just aggressive. Annoying your relatives on purpose definitely puts you on the naughty list.
11. You insisted on talking about politics at the family party.
Santa thinks that politics don’t mix well with family and holidays that are supposed to be focused on peace and love. Keep your opinions to yourself, unless you’re 100 percent certain that everyone in your family agrees with you.
12. You double-dipped your chip at the office holiday party.
Eww. Santa (and the Utah Department of Health) put you on the naughty list for sure.
13. You expressed displeasure at the bottle of Sprite your neighbors left on your porch.
Yes, “May Your Holidays Be Merry and “Sprite” is pretty lame, but it’s not nice to be ungrateful. Next time, just smile and drink the Sprite.
14. You threw litter on the lawn while watching the neighborhood house Christmas light display.
Someone went to a lot of trouble to install a light display with accompanying music. You pulled up to the curb in front of their home, watched their display, then tossed hot chocolate cups out your window onto the lawn. Shame on you. Santa’s going to wait until his reindeer need to do their business, and then pull up onto YOUR lawn this Christmas eve.
15. You were rude to the clerk while Christmas shopping.
She’s making minimum wage and dealing with long lines while standing on her feet for an eight-hour shift. There’s no need to yell at her because you waited until the last minute to do your shopping. Next time, practice cultivating some patience. Santa doesn’t like people who are mean to others.