1) Let Go of the Rope
When you’re water skiing on one of Utah’s lakes, and you fall forward…let go of the rope! Otherwise, your family members are laughing their butts off and calling you "Bob."
2) You Must Control Your Cravings
You’ll never forget that first Sunday when you’re just dying for a Crown Burger, and you realize they’re closed.
3) Confidence is Good...Overconfidence Isn't
Your first ski trip is with your high school buddies, and they convince you that you totally CAN ski that black diamond run. As you crash, head-over-heels, goggles ripped from your face, snow and ice jamming into your nose and mouth, you feel your ACL snap and realize this was a life lesson you didn’t want to learn the hard way.
4) Blinkers Aren't Optional
This life lesson is usually learned when you’re the driver BEHIND the guy without the blinker. When he suddenly slams on his brakes to make that right turn, you’d better hope you weren't driving your dad's truck.
5) When You Get Lost, Sit Down
First off, don’t ever wander away from the adults when you’re camping or hiking. But if you do, SIT DOWN. Otherwise, bad things happen. Like hypothermia or bears. Hopefully, you learned this lesson in the space of just a few, panicked moments before your dad found you and brought you back to your mom, who burst into tears, then did a Jekyll/Hyde and made you sit in Time Out for the rest of the night.
6) Doing Donuts is Only Fun Sometimes
Ah...that first snowfall after you get your license. Doing donuts in the parking lot of the LDS church is so fun! Doing donuts on the I-15 off-ramp...not so fun.
7) The Green Jello is Never as Good as it Looks
That molded, green jello has such an allure. Especially when you can see that there are marshmallows or other tasty-looking bits inside! As a Utah kid, you learn quickly that adults try to hide yucky stuff in there, too. Like carrot shavings. Such a disappointment.
8) Your Tongue Really WILL Stick
Ever since you saw A Christmas Story, you were dying to try it. Turns out, it does work.
9) Don’t Drive the Speed Limit in the Left Lane
The posted speed limit isn’t the speed you drive in the left lane on Utah’s Interstates. Because if you do, you’ll be killed. You learn this one the first time you get on the freeway with your Learner’s permit. Get over to the right, with the grandmas and the semi-trucks.
10) Utah Only Has Two Seasons
The first year you play soccer you find out that Utah doesn't have spring or fall weather. You spend September panting and dehydrated from the heat. In the spring, you play in blizzards, bitter cold and biting wind. Try basketball — it’s climate-controlled.
11) That Cheesy Stuffed Bear Really Isn't Worth It
The games on Lagoon’s midway look so easy, and that huge stuffed bear is so attractive you just MUST have it! Only after your dad has blown $75 and you finally get that bear do you realize that it’s far too heavy to carry around the park, and that now you can’t go on any rides. The next morning, you see that both plastic eyes have come loose and that a seam has popped, spilling funny-smelling stuffing out all over your bedroom carpet. Bummer.
12) You’re Not “Almost There”
Utah is a pretty big state. So when you live in Cedar City and you drive to Logan to visit Aunt Michelle, it’s going to take a while. Like, FOREVER in kid hours. When your parents start telling you, somewhere around Provo, that you’re, "Almost there," they are LYING TO YOU.
13) You Can’t Eat That Whole Thing
Your mom tried to warn you, but it just looked SO GOOD! Who did you think you were kidding? Now you have a huge stomach ache and the front of your favorite shirt is covered with chocolate sauce. This is one of those life lessons that you never really learn, especially when the Leatherby’s is nearby.
14) Utah “Fun” is a Fickle Thing
The first time you went fishing with Grandpa, you caught six fish. And one of them was as big as your head! And all the adults fussed over you and Grandma took a picture of you holding the fish, looking proud and adorable and posted it all over Facebook. The second time you went, you sat in the blistering sun in the canoe, line in the water, holding very still and not talking at all - for hours and hours and hours. Until you had to pee and started whining and Grandpa got disgusted with you for not being a good fisherman and took you home, humiliated and fishless.
15) You Really Did Need That Sunscreen
Your mom wasn’t kidding when she said to come back over and get more sunscreen. Now you’re about to learn another life lesson: the healing properties of aloe.
What important life lessons did YOU learn while growing up in Utah? Tell us in the comments!
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