USA January 16, 2018
by Sophie Boudreau 11 Reasons Why You Should Never, Ever Move To The Midwest
If you’re considering relocating to a different part of the United States, there are plenty of factors to consider. Recreation, quality of life, and financial considerations all come into play. No matter what you’re searching for, we’re here to tell you: do NOT move to the Midwest under any circumstances. If you don’t believe us, here are 11 reasons that might persuade you to choose a different spot.
1. The scenery is ugly.
If you’re looking for natural beauty, you certainly won’t find it here! Michigan’s Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore should be proof enough that there’s absolutely nothing beautiful in the Midwest. It’s not as if this part of the country houses breathtaking beaches and plenty of forested splendor.
2. There’s literally NOTHING to do here.
If you get bored easily, you’ll hate living in the Midwest. After all, we just have nothing to do. No major sports teams and stadiums, no world-renowned museums, and certainly no fun-filled tourist attractions. Don’t even THINK about venturing to Cedar Point or one of the region’s other amusement parks: talk about boring.
3. Did we mention that the people aren’t very nice?
You know the old stereotype: people in the Midwest are pretty darn rude. You certainly won’t be smiled at by strangers on the street or waved to by people you’ve just met. If you’re hoping to find nice people to mingle with, you’d probably be better off in New York City.
4. The weather is terrible year-round.
We only have one season in the Midwest: terrible. Don’t expect to see any stunning fall foliage or beautiful blue skies. Wintertime is basically all dreary and grey, with zero opportunities to marvel at snow-covered trees or enjoy some outdoor fun. Don’t even get us started on springtime and its complete lack of beauty!
5. It’s way more expensive than the rest of the country.
Check out rent prices in Los Angeles, then compare them to rent prices in most of the Midwest’s most beloved cities. Everyone knows that real estate in Detroit is ultra-expensive, right? Why live in Cleveland or Indianapolis when you could just pay Manhattan-level prices for rent?
6. The lakes here just can’t compare to oceans.
The Great Lakes? Who needs them? They can’t possibly compare to oceans in terms of shimmering blue waters, soft-sand shorelines, and beachfront adventures. I mean, the above photo of Lake Michigan alone should be enough to prove that bodies of water in the Midwest are nothing short of hideous.
7. Love cities? You won’t find any good ones here.
The Midwest is entirely made up of small towns and boring farmland with no city life to be found. If you’re looking for excitement, you’ve come to the wrong place. After all, it’s not like we have any major cities to explore… places like Chicago, Detroit, Milwaukee, and Columbus only exist in fairy tales.
8. Food just doesn’t measure up in the Midwest.
Chicago deep-dish? Definitely not worth trying. Detroit coney dogs? Disgusting. Wisconsin cheese? Absolutely awful. There’s nothing here worth trying, and you might as well just step right back on the plane as soon as you arrive in the Midwest, because you’re going to be hungry every single day!
9. There’s no room for relaxation here.
Resorts? Beaches? Charming small town bed and breakfasts? You definitely won’t find any of the above when you make your way to the Midwest. It’s not as if our region is overflowing with fantastic weekend getaway destinations or anything. Nope -- prepare to be stressed out constantly once you move here.
10. Midwesterners don’t appreciate the Great Outdoors.
Nature just doesn’t click with people from the Midwest. Make your way to California if you’d really like to enjoy nature. After all, life in the Midwest means an eternity spent indoors -- our region has a complete and total lack of hiking trails, waterfalls, campsites, and other hidden gems to discover.
11. Want a good education? You won’t find it here!
Everyone knows that the East Coast is the only place for a great education. Don’t even bother coming to the Midwest if you want to attend a prestigious university. What? Someone told you about Northwestern, the University of Michigan, the University of Chicago, and Notre Dame? That person is clearly lying.
So, as you can tell, there’s absolutely nothing to enjoy about life in the Midwest. Don’t even think about moving here. Unless, of course, you want to be doomed to a life of natural beauty, friendly faces, and exciting adventures. Ugh, alright, you caught us: we’re pulling your leg. Hop in the car and check out our wonderful region of the country!
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