Texas November 15, 2017
11 Foolproof Ways To Spot An Imposter In Texas
Given the sheer size of our state, it’s safe to say us Texans are a unique bunch. There’s no “one-size-fits-all” mold to us, I guess you could say. With that being said, there ARE a few fundamental qualities that set us apart from the rest of the country, so it’s rather easy to spot a tourist – or someone pretending to be from the Lone Star State. Here are 11 foolproof ways to spot an imposter in Texas:
1. They order unsweet tea at a restaurant.
...no, honey. We have two kinds of tea here in Texas: sweet, and so sweet it'll rot your teeth. You're obviously not one of us.
2. They aren't prepared for every possible weather situation.
If your suitcase doesn't have a parka, jeans, and boots as well as flip-flops, shorts, and a tank top, you probably aren't from Texas.
3. The best joke they can come up with is, "So do you ride your horse to work?"
Sorry buddy, it stopped being funny at about the 50th time. You're not clever.
4. Friday Night Lights aren't part of their weekly fall routine...
Everyone knows us Texans treat high school football like religion. If you don't understand that, you don't belong here. Simple as that.
5. ...and on the off-chance you do catch them at the homecoming game, they ask what "those things" are on the girls' dresses.
They're mums, dude. No, not moms. This isn't England. MUMS. We don't know how or why the tradition started, but we do know that as long as we're Texans, it's our duty to follow it.
6. Blue Bell isn't their favorite brand of ice cream.
We risked our lives by continuing to eat Blue Bell during the listeria recall. Our motto is, "Give me Blue Bell or give me death!"
7. They go to Kroger when they're out of something.
As far as we're concerned, H-E-B is the only grocery store out there. If you don't feel the same way, you're definitely not from Texas.
8. "Ma'am" and "sir" don't end every sentence that comes out of their mouth.
Manners are paramount to us Texans. In fact, we just call it "Southern hospitality" because it's the norm around here. That means respecting elders, holding doors...the whole shebang.
9. They ask if everything is REALLY bigger in Texas.
...need I say more? This map is actual size, by the way.
10. They say "you guys" instead of "y'all."
This is about the worst mistake you can make as a tourist in Texas. If you didn't stick out like a sore thumb before (which you probably did), you certainly will now.
11. Texas pride isn't oozing out of every pore in their body.
We Texans aren't shy about our love for the Lone Star State, and we never will be. If you come across someone who doesn't have AT LEAST one Texas flag in their house or on their car, chances are they're a tourist.
Of course, we love to welcome non-Texans to the Lone Star State, but we’ll keep our eyes peeled for imposters anyway so we can show them the ropes. How can you spot a tourist in Texas? Let us know your foolproof methods.