Texas December 14, 2016
15 Reasons Why You Should Never, Ever Move To Texas
As much as we love the great state of Texas, even those of us who have lived here our entire lives can admit it has some shortcomings. I mean, the food is so delicious that being overweight is basically inevitable, the sheer amount of beautiful natural wonders is overwhelming, and we’re all trapped here because every other state sucks. Texas is just awful, right y’all? Here are 15 reasons why you should avoid moving to Texas at all costs.
1. In the winter, getting dressed in the morning will be a struggle.
Parka and boots or a tank top and shorts? Only Mother Nature knows.
2. And in the summer, it gets a little bit humid.
Don't bother getting your hair done if you plan on leaving the house.
3. You'll stick out like a sore thumb.
No matter how good of an actor you think you are, us Native Texans can smell a transplant a mile away. Especially if you let "you guys" slip out accidentally.
4. The urge to eat everything in sight will be too hard to resist.
Barbecue, Whataburger, fried EVERYTHING...you can kiss your diet goodbye.
5. A trip to the grocery store sometimes turns into a two-hour ordeal.
Highway or parking lot? You decide.
6. The metal part of the seat belt turns into a weapon during the summer.
Handle with extreme caution.
7. You might have to wait behind a horse or two in the drive-thru.
Yes, this really did happen.
8. You might get listeria from Blue Bell because you won't stop eating it during a recall.
Our self control does not extend to Blue Bell.
9. You'll get too full from chips and salsa to even think about touching your meal.
Have y'all noticed yet that most of these reasons involve food?
10. Touching your steering wheel is as good as putting your hand on the stove in the summer.
Better get some gloves! Or just use oven mitts - they get the job done too (not speaking from personal experience or anything).
11. There are SO MANY THINGS TO DO that you won't know where to start.
Hundreds of state parks, about a million restaurants...it's all so overwhelming!
12. Get ready to drive for days if you're road tripping across the state.
Texas is almost 900 miles across...yeah.
13. And those already agonizingly long trips will get even longer because you HAVE to stop at Buc-ee's.
It's not an option. I mean, come on...BEAVER NUGGETS.
14. You'll wonder what swallowed all the teenage girls when homecoming rolls around.
I'm not entirely sure who came up with this trend or why they thought it would be aesthetically pleasing, but it's Texas tradition so I accept it.
15. You'll be eternally stuck here after realizing how much every other state sucks.
Texas forever, y'all.
Can you relate to these reasons? Why else should people stop moving to Texas?