Austin December 28, 2017
10 Things No Self-Respecting Austinite Would Ever Do
Austinites pride themselves in their unique ways of life, and they follow an unwritten code. An Austin local wouldn’t be caught dead complaining about a delicious breakfast taco or bowl of queso. These are 10 things no self-respecting Austinite would ever do.
1. Smother perfect barbecue with sauce
Don't get me wrong, a touch of barbecue sauce can take some smokey brisket to the next level, but no self-respecting Austinite would tarnish the pork's good name by throwing it into a pool of vinegar-based sauce. Some barbecue joints, like Kruez Market in Lockhart, will scoff at anyone who requests a bottle of sauce.
2. Drive on I-35 between the hours of 4:30 and 7:00.
Austinites avoid I-35's hectic pile ups as much as they possibly can. Locals will find as many backroads as possible and leave this massive highway as a last resort.
3. Pronounce street names correctly
Sure, we all know how to pronounce "Guadalupe," but you'll never hear anyone call it that. This street is always either "Guadaloop" or "The Drag." After all, we wouldn't want people to mistake us for an out-of-towner!
4. Defame the delicate art of breakfast tacos
If there's one thing all Austinites can all agree upon, it's the necessity of a scrumptious breakfast taco in the morning. Can you even say you're from Austin if you don't like breakfast tacos?
5. Neglecting to tip the band
Even in The Live Music Capitol, it's not easy to make a living as a musician. If we want to keep the bands we love in this magnificent city, we need to help them out. A few bucks can go a long way.
6. Go line dancing instead of two-stepping
You'll be hard pressed to find any line dancing joints, but there's plenty of places to two-step. Don't know how? You'll have no trouble finding people to teach you at The White Horse or The Broken Spoke.
7. Call queso "cheese dip"
The words "cheese dip" will make any true Austinite cringe.
8. Fail to celebrate the wonders of Whataburger
In Austin (and all of Texas, for that matter), Whataburger reigns supreme. This 24-hour drive through has a way bringing peace upon a hungry stomach.
9. Mess with Texas
Austinites pride themselves in being eco-friendly and conscientious. Our hearts sink when we see piles of trash messing up our gorgeous greenbelt or plastic bags stuck in trees at Zilker Park.
10. Paint over a fresh mural at The HOPE Outdoor Gallery
The Baylor Street Art Wall has a fair share of turnover, and new murals pop up every day. It's especially upsetting, however, to see a freshly painted work of art with a mustache scrawled over it.
What are some things you would never do in Austin?