Austin August 27, 2016
15 Sure-Fire Ways To Make An Austinite Mad
Austinites are a pretty happy-go-lucky bunch of people, but there are some offenses that will make even the most mellow hippie see red. Unless you want smoke to come out of our ears, don’t do these 15 things. These are some sure-fire ways to make an Austinite mad.
1. Not tipping the band
Musicians have to eat, too.
Keep the capital city clean! Nobody likes that post-ACL garbage.
3. Taking forever to order at Franklin's
When you've been standing in line for six hours, a person would think that you'd know how many pounds of brisket you want to order.
4. Calling a north Austinite an "egghead yuppie"
Chances are, that person living across the river is just as upset about the gentrification as you are.
5. Painting over street art
We have a whole graffiti park for that kind of thing! Don't go destroying the "I Love You So Much" sign!
6. Wearing maroon to a UT game
Don't think these Longhorns won't notice your maroon colored socks.
7. Shopping at corporate chain stores
When you buy local, more than half of that money stays in the Austin-area. Chain stores only give back about 15%.
8. Adopting from a breeder
With so many lonely animals throughout the city, there's no need to reach out to a breeder. Austin Pets Alive! does their part to give every furry friend a loving home.
9. Feeding a grackle
Give a grackle one french fry, and we all know what happens next. Before you know it, thousands of their creepy winged friends are swarming around your hamburger.
10. Blaring the bass during an I35 pile up
We're all trying to find our zen here, and that loud, thumping music only makes the wrinkles in our foreheads more pronounced.
11. Serving a breakfast burrito
What even IS this? In Austin, it's a breakfast taco or bust.
Your leisurely stroll is just adding to our traffic-induced headache.
13. Working too hard
It's Friday night and Sixth Street is calling! Don't say you have to stay home and work. Weekends are for revelry.
14. Talking during a movie at the Alamo Drafthouse
This offense is a unanimous betrayal. The Alamo Drafthouse staff will not hesitate to remove you if you can't stop jabbering during the film.
15. Attending a pot luck without queso
A queso-less party is not a party I wish to attend.
You don’t want to unleash the Austin anger. Trust me, I wouldn’t commit any of these crimes if I were you.