Posted in Tennessee
June 22, 2015
Here’s How You’re Probably Going To Die If You’re From Tennessee
Alright, guys. Everyone is going to die someday – it’s just a fact of life. The question is: are you lucky enough to breathe your last in Tennessee? As one of the most beautiful spots in the nation, you probably want to be amongst those that watch the world fade from Chattanooga or our Great Smoky Mountains. We’ve found some pretty solid ways it may just happen, too. Take a look!
We have a million beautiful ones, but don't get cocky - you don't want to fall off. It's a looooooong way down.
There are snakes in the river - duh. Welcome to the American South. And watch out for cottonmouths...a bite could prove deadly.
Just kidding! Southern hospitality is a real thing down here - so don't worry about being lonely. We got you.
Hot and humid, two main ingredients for a pretty solid case of heat stroke. Stay hydrated out there, folks!
Tennessee is like Disneyland for the outdoorsy folk. Just make sure you have a good sense of direction, hey? You're going to need it, at least to make it out alive.
You best make sure you aren't cheerin' for the wrong team, ya hear?
The best food in the country is, quite sadly, just a bit calorie laden? Keep those arteries clean and clear, kids. Or else.
Moon pies! Googoo clusters! Olive & Sinclair chocolate! There are so many options, so much danger!
We have beautiful lakes. Our beautiful lakes can prove dangerous. Hint: Take deep breaths of air - not water. Have fun!
Here in the Volunteer State, we believe quite solidly in protecting and acting on our second amendment right. Unfortunately, our #1 unusual cause of death? Accidental gunshot wounds.
There you go, y’all. Be careful in any state, be careful in Tennessee. What do you think? Did we hit the nail on the head, or should we take another look? Let us know in the comments below!
