South Carolina August 13, 2017
17 Incredibly Dumb Ways To Die In South Carolina
Let’s all admit that when it comes to hospitality, South Carolina is tops all the way around. And with that gracious southern hospitality comes an innate sense of humor that helps fuel our raging positive outlook on life. Who are we if we can’t laugh, right? To that end, we’ve put together some incredibly stupid ways to die here in the Palmetto State. Enjoy finding out the dumb South Carolina ways to meet your maker in this outrageous list below:
1. Get taken down by the Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp.
Oddly enough, the South Carolina Emergency Management Division recently issued a
that the upcoming solar eclipse could increase paranormal activity in the Palmetto State. So be vigilant in the upcoming days and keep your eyes on the swamps.
2. An alien abduction.
South Carolina is home to the ONLY official UFO Welcome Center in North America. Does that mean you have to be there, in Bowman at the UFO Welcome Center, to be abducted by an alien? No! According to the National UFO Reporting Center's
of UFO sightings are reported in the Palmetto State each year.
3. Be lured too close to the edge of Crybaby Bridge - and fall to your death.
All sorts of weird things happen at this "crybaby" bridge in Anderson. It's no longer open to vehicular traffic but that doesn't stop curiosity seekers from trekking over to it in search of an authentic paranormal experience. We're here to tell you,
don't be fooled by the crying baby and find yourself falling from this dilapidated old relic on a search and rescue mission.
4. Trying to debunk one of the state's most mysterious phenomena.
Don't get yourself or your car hit by another car on
. People die in road accidents each and every day. Don't fall prey to this weird phenomenon where you can put your car in neutral on this bridge and it will actually SEEM to roll UPHILL. (Spoiler alert and warning: it's
just an optical illusion,
5. Getting eaten by Third Eye Man.
Or at the very least getting lost and starving to death in the
under Columbia. Most Columbia natives know about the legendary being known as "Third Eye Man," but few have actually seen him. Your best bet to avoid him? Stay out of the sewers. It may be the only way to guarantee you don't end up on a roasting spindle under the city.
6. Get eaten by the ghost dog known as the "Hound of Goshen."
Firstly, eeew. Can you THINK of a worse way to die than being torn into by a big white ghost dog the size of a St. Bernard? Legend has it this Union County spook haunts the cemetery where his master was laid to rest more than a hundred years ago. Those who've seen it say these days he looks like anything BUT a nice little doggie. Knowing this, you have to ask yourself: do I really need to believe in ghosts to be eaten by a demonic ghost dog?
7. Getting pummeled by a rainstorm of turtles - or just ONE.
What? It's HAPPENED before! Read on...
Hear us out. A South Carolina newspaper
reported that on June 27, 1901
a strange storm blew in and with it came a huge pile of fish that were somehow swept up by the storm. We're thinking maybe it was a water spout? The fish covered the streets as well as the local farm fields. They were everywhere in this small South Carolina community.
Can you get killed by a fish raining down on you? We're going to say probably not. However, according to Wikipedia, in 455 B.C. a witness reported that Aeschylus, the Athenian author of tragedies, was killed by a turtle falling from the sky. Apparently a large bird was carrying the tutle and mistakenly thought Aeschylus' bald head was a rock hard enough to break open the shell exposing the meaty insides for a tasty turle-lovin' lunch.
8. Spontaneous human combustion.
A very "in the know" online publishing company we're familiar with uncovered one of the state's oddest unsolved mysteries and it included spontaneous human combustion. Seriously. What a hard way to go. The South Carolina resident was just sitting in his car when he spontaneously caught on fire behind the steering wheel. Don't believe it? Read more
9. Overdose on Vitamin A.
Because...WHO among us can resist properly prepared South Carolina collard greens? It's happened before, you know. In 1974 a
health food junkie in England
consumed 10 gallons of carrot juice in just 10 days and died of Vitamin A overdose. It seems the liver can't take that much Vitamin A. Consider yourself forewarned before you binge on 10 or more gallons of collards.
10. Find yourself in the wrong place - at the wrong time.
It's widely known that South Carolina is the most haunted state in the South. Ghost hunting is a favorite pastime for many people. But, think twice before you attend a séance, go in search of a portal to "you know where," or join a cult that worships "you know who."
11. Eat yourself to death -- because the food here is just THAT good.
It wouldn't be the first time someone died of a food overdose. A former King of Sweden is now known as "the king who ate himself to death." You don't want that legacy to follow you into eternity, do you? It's true,
, Adolph Frederick couldn't contain his passion for food. In one meal (also his FINAL meal) he ate lobster, caviar, sauerkraut, smoked herring, and champagne, topped off with 14 servings of his favorite dessert. Yeah. We're full just thinking about it.
12. Die of complications from a mosquito bite.
Don't roll your eyes at the mere suggestion that a no-see-um or one of those other giant blood-sucking beasts could kill you. It's happened before. In 1923, the Earl of Carnarvon died at the age of 56 after he sustained a mosquito bite on his face. He then shaved, cutting into the bite, which THEN got infected. The Earl died of blood poisoning.
13. A knife fight over the last of the supplies when a huge storm is heading our way.
The moral of the story isn't to leave the weapons at home (although on an editorial note, that's not a BAD idea), it's to plan ahead and don't be a "Last Minute Larry." You know from all too much experience that a storm is coming and you'll need bread and milk and probably some beer. So get it in gear and be among the first to stock up; not the last. Besides, shopping for supplies before a storm is SO MUCH like heading to Walmart on Christmas Eve. That, alone, should be enough of a reason to get there early. Avoid the knife fights.
14. Getting lost on the shortest, most direct path to the beach.
We don't have any great links to back this up, but if you're in a state of mind where you can't even walk down a straight path on a short walk to the beach, then we're thinking maybe you'd prefer sleeping it off at home to sleeping it off in the hot sun and blazing sand.
15. Falling asleep below the high tide mark.
This one is pretty self-explanatory. It would be pretty dumb to fall asleep and get drowned by the incoming tide. Are you one of those rare people who can sleep through anything?
16. Speaking of incoming tides....being THAT guy that volunteers to let his drunk friends bury him in the sand.
And then, they FORGET all about you and you're swallowed up and drowned by the incoming tide. The safest bet? Just say no to being buried in the sand. Period.
17. Choke to death during a cockroach eating contest.
Because we have so many tasty cockroaches to choose from. Again...eewwww. But again, it's happened. In
2012 Edward Archbold
, a 32 year old ADULT from West Palm Beach, FL, died after winning a cockroach-eating contest. His official cause of death? Chocking on "anthropod body parts." Eww. Well, at least they ponied up and gave him the trophy anyway.
For more South Carolina humor,
here are some phrases only South Carolinians will understand.