Philadelphia September 19, 2017
15 Sure-Fire Ways To Make A Philadelphian Mad
Philadelphia is known as a hot tempered city! We’ve got a reputation for being rabid sports fans… I mean, Veterans’ Stadium had a jail underneath of it thanks to the rowdy behavior of Eagles and Phillies fans. Yes, we threw batteries at Santa Claus, but that only happened once. If you spend some time in the City of Brotherly Love, you’re much more likely to find kind, welcoming Philadelphians… as long as you avoid just a few things that are sure to make anyone from Philadelphia mad. Here’s what you really shouldn’t do while you’re here:
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1. Insult our sports teams.
There are only a few things Philadelphians take more seriously than our sports teams... so the best way to make someone from Philadephia mad is to take on our Eagles, Flyers, Phillies or Sixers.
2. Suggest taking the Schuylkill.
I don't care if it's 3:00 AM, there will be traffic on this evil, evil stretch of road. Let's avoid it.
3. Call it a sub.
Say it with me now: Hoagie. H-O-A-G-I-E. Get out of here with that "sub" nonsense!
4. Make fun of the Phanatic.
What did he ever do to you? No, we aren't sure what kind of animal he is, but since when does that matter? The Phanatic is the best mascot in all of sports.
5. Double park on a narrow street.
Double park on our wide streets all you want - we'll find a way around you. But when the streets in South Philly are already had enough to drive through with cars half-parked on the curb, you really don't want us to catch you double parked here, even if it's just for a minute.
6. Insist other states have good pizza.
New York and New Jersey, sure, we'll let it slide. Anywhere else? Hahahahahahahaha! Good one!
7. Tease us about our accents.
What're youse going on about? Wooder ice? Knock it off with that jawn.
8. Be Chip Kelly.
It's been lovely to see how one man can unite a city of people from different backgrounds and experiences... against him.
9. Suggest fast food.
I will never, NEVER understand why someone would eat at the Burger King on Market when you can spend the same $5 at any food truck for a much better meal.
10. Make bad street-crossing decisions.
There are times when crossing against the light is okay, and there are times when you really need to pay attention to the "not a good time to cross" sign. Be wise in your street crossing decisions, or you'll have an angry Philadelphian beeping and shouting at you.
11. Defend Sidney Crosby.
Just... don't. We might not always like the Flyers, but we are always ready to go after the Penguins.
12. Balk at the only parking spot in South Philly.
You won't get a ticket for parking on the median, and that spot you passed up might be the only one open for blocks. Next time, trust us and take the spot.
13. Rush onto the train before we've gotten off.
This is just plain rude. If you really want to see someone from Philadelphia livid, rush into the train car while they're trying to get off, creating a traffic jam that nobody wants to deal with.
14. Bring us to Geno's or Pat's for a cheesesteak.
This one goes without saying. We don't really eat here, and neither should you. There are a million better places for steaks in Philly, and Joey Vento's attitude wasn't really appreciated by anyone in the neighborhood.
15. Compare Philly to any other city.
No, we're not a "smaller New York", we're Philadelphia. The City of Brotherly Love that has some of the best parks, restaurants, and people in the world. Don't try to compare us to anyone, just accept our city for what it is - and you'll quickly learn to love it.
Our defensiveness and loyalty are some of the traits that make Philly such a unique city… and it’s one of the many reasons that
My Heart Will Always Be In Philadelphia.