Oh, Pennsylvania, how we love thee. We can’t imagine life without you. But, sometimes, well, we really feel like we need to move far away from you. Why? Well, it’s complicated. Let us try to explain it.
1. Hello relaxation!
Thank your lucky stars when you get far away from Pennsylvania because you can finally relax. After all, where in PA can you really kick back, relax, and recharge? Lake Erie? The Poconos? Pine Creek Gorge? A quaint B&B in Amish country? A campground? You're definitely better far, far away from Pennsylvania where you'll have plenty of opportunities for relaxation.
2. Goodbye nothing to do.
Sadly, we have so little to do in Pennsylvania. After you consider the pop up parks, state parks, museums, restaurants, shops, amusement parks, markets, and farms, what is there to do to around here?
3. No more frizz!
Say goodbye to that summer frizz! No longer will you have to exchange knowing looks with other Pennsylvanians on those humid, sweltering summer days when everyone's hair looks, well, like we stuck our fingers into an electrical socket.
4. You can watch a movie
Really, what's so special about throwing your blanket on the grass and watching a double feature under the stars? Nostalgia. Pfft. Leave the state and all those old-fashioned drive-ins and diners behind. Go to a real movie theater where you're packed in next to other moviegoers like sardines and have to take out a second mortgage for a large popcorn and pop.
5. Who needs all four seasons?
Really, all four seasons? How predictable. We'd really prefer not to have to endure that spectacular fall foliage, the way the snow glistens on the rolling hills, and the blooming flowers of spring.
6. You won’t have trouble answering "where should we eat?"
Eating out in Pennsylvania is just a little too complicated. You've got so many restaurants - casual, fast food, fine dining, old-fashioned diner - from which to choose. That inevitably leads to that circular "Where do you want to eat? I don't care. Where do you want to eat?" No one needs that. You're better off leaving PA and heading somewhere you'll have fewer choices.
7. No more of those weird foods…
Oh, the foods we eat in PA. Shoofly pie. Scrapple. Coleslaw and fries on sandwiches. Kinda weird, huh?
8. Pesky pollution…
It's such a shame we can't enjoy blue skies, golden sunshine, and fresh air.
9. High gasoline taxes or...
Okay, so maybe this one doesn't really fall under "tongue-in-cheek." You really can avoid those high gasoline taxes and turnpike tolls when you travel out of PA but would it really be worth it?
10. Silly traditions.
Who really needs a delicious cookie table at their wedding reception? To cheer on outhouse racers? To watch a Hershey kiss, a wrench, or a mushroom to drop on New Year's? Who really wants to live in a state that embraces tradition?
What other tongue-in-cheek reasons do you have for wanting to move far, far away from Pennsylvania?
Click here to read the 17 things people who have really moved from PA have thought at least once.
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