Posted in Oregon July 19, 2015 by

These Hilarious Police Blotters In Oregon Will Have You Saying: Are These Guys For Real?

In the wealthy Portland suburbs of Lake Oswego and West Linn, the area’s police department operates on the philosophy that no call is too small. For years, local newspapers the Lake Oswego Review and West Linn Tidings have been delightfully documenting those very calls in a style so absurd they have readers thinking it’s parody. Indeed, the calls for police service in these sleepy communities tend to lean on over-reactionary, that at first seem sinister, but upon investigation end with perfectly reasonable explanations:

6/29/15 9:31 p.m. Fearful cries were heard coming from a location, but it was some boys who were just having @Xbox wars.

These weekly dispatches have been around for ages, and according to Kelly Williams Brown, a reporter with The Daily Beast, “it was a huge accomplishment if your adolescent assholery was enough to make the paper (and EVERYONE knew who had done it, even though the Review is too delicate to name names)” when she attend high school in Lake Oswego in the 90s. The blotter has since evolved to become a modestly popular Twitter page, @nocallistoosmall, and the handle’s administers say a book is in the works.

Here are a few more gems from the blotter for your enjoyment.