These Hilarious Police Blotters In Oregon Will Have You Saying: Are These Guys For Real?

In the wealthy Portland suburbs of Lake Oswego and West Linn, the area’s police department operates on the philosophy that no call is too small. For years, local newspapers the Lake Oswego Review and West Linn Tidings have been delightfully documenting those very calls in a style so absurd they have readers thinking it’s parody. Indeed, the calls for police service in these sleepy communities tend to lean on over-reactionary, that at first seem sinister, but upon investigation end with perfectly reasonable explanations:

6/29/15 9:31 p.m. Fearful cries were heard coming from a location, but it was some boys who were just having @Xbox wars.

These weekly dispatches have been around for ages, and according to Kelly Williams Brown, a reporter with The Daily Beast, “it was a huge accomplishment if your adolescent assholery was enough to make the paper (and EVERYONE knew who had done it, even though the Review is too delicate to name names)” when she attend high school in Lake Oswego in the 90s. The blotter has since evolved to become a modestly popular Twitter page, @nocallistoosmall, and the handle’s administers say a book is in the works.

Here are a few more gems from the blotter for your enjoyment.

Beaver found loitering outside Washington Chick-Fil-A https://t.co/IufILC40oX #LiveOnK2 pic.twitter.com/xmpMcPJcjY

— KATU News (@KATUNews) June 17, 2015

Another view. #gotyourgoat pic.twitter.com/PDUbOdtUsj

— West Linn P.D. (@WLPDNews) July 10, 2015

6/26/15 12:16 p.m. A driver was constantly pulling into and backing out of a driveway on Haven Street. The driver was lost.

— No Call Too Small (@NoCallTooSmall) July 4, 2015

5/5/15 3:27 p.m. A man thought to have written a suicide note was found to have actually just lost the first draft of his will.

— No Call Too Small (@NoCallTooSmall) May 26, 2015

5/4/15 9:58 p.m. Police were asked to do something about an alarm clock that wouldn’t stop ringing on Overlook Drive.

— No Call Too Small (@NoCallTooSmall) May 25, 2015

5/4/15 4:43 p.m. What was at first feared to be a #fightclub at an elementary school turned out to be kids working on a class project.

— No Call Too Small (@NoCallTooSmall) May 23, 2015

5/8 4:37 pm A man was concerned after seeing 2 people at a neighbor’s house who did not look familiar. They were visitors from out of town.

— No Call Too Small (@NoCallTooSmall) May 19, 2015

4/25/15 8:12 p.m. A man who had been hypnotized asked police to help get him out of his trance.

— No Call Too Small (@NoCallTooSmall) May 13, 2015

4/21/15 3:17 p.m. Firefighters rescued ducklings from a storm drain on Westlake Drive and placed them in a pond. #animalantics

— No Call Too Small (@NoCallTooSmall) May 12, 2015

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