New York January 10, 2018
11 Tried And True Pieces Of Advice New Yorkers Have For The South When It Snows
We’ve all experienced it, that moment when your aunt from Florida has a mental breakdown on Facebook over the fact that her town may or may not be getting one to two inches of snow by morning. The moment when we’re surrounded by miniature mountains of snow and our southern family is absolutely breaking ties with reality because they may need to wear something other than their flip flops and short sleeve shirts during the month of January.
So while we sit all mighty on our high mounds of fresh snow, here’s some advice we’d like to give to our friends in the south for when they finally get some snow.
1. Don't go rushing to the grocery store for milk, eggs and bread.
Unless you plan on making a week's worth of french toast for everyone on your street, we're pretty sure you'll be fine without helping the rest of your town clear out the bread shelves at your local grocery stores. Most of the time those winter storms you southerners get will be melted away by the next morning, so just make due with what you've already got in your cupboards.
2. I don't care how warm your state is during the winter, just buy an ice scraper and a shovel already.
I don't care if you've never taken your winter coat out your closet for the entire time you've been living in your warm and toasty southern state, at one point or another you will need an ice scraper or shovel. And when the time comes to use said ice scraper that you don't have, don't go expecting us to praise you for coming up with silly ways to get the job done. I don't care if you scraped your entire car off with your warmed up dust pan, spatula or library card, just buy an ice scraper!
3. Make sure that once you're done scraping off your car that it's completely clear of snow before you hit the road.
A mistake I'll take less personal from a southern, please don't start driving away onto the roads if your car looks like the one above. While you may not think much of it because you're not used to having snow, leaving chunks of snow anywhere on your car will come back to bite you in the behind. The snow will eventually fly up onto your windshield and scare the life out of you or even worse, hit someone else's car and create a dangerous situation. Yikes!
4. And if you're not used to driving in the snow, please just stay home where it's warm.
Instead of trying to become the next cast member of
Ice Road Truckers, stay off the roads and avoid having your car spin out of control. It may not seem like a big deal to drive in the snow, but this type of winter scenery is harder to navigate than you may have previously imagined.
5. Be salty.
Embrace the saltiness; salt is your friend! Throw that beloved mineral all of your steps, driveway and entrance to your homes. Putting salt down will help melt things and keep the ground from turning into a slippery walkway that will have you looking like a newborn giraffe on roller skates.
6. But also be prepared for the aftermath.
Salt is a near and dear friend of ours up here in the Northeast, but if you aren't used to dealing with this mineral then you may not realize just how much damage it can also do. Word of advice, don't wear your favorite pair of shoes when you go outside among the salt and snow.
7. Don't start bragging about that completely unwarranted snow day that you were somehow awarded.
Your cousins up in New York aren't the least bit interested in hearing about how your school got shut down for the day because your town "thought" it was going to snow. While you're sitting comfy on your couch extending the length of your school year, we'll be trekking to school in knee-deep snow and dealing with a real winter.
8. And don't take to social media to complain about the measly snow storm you got.
If you have the audacity to post a picture of the slight dusting Mother Nature graced upon your front yard, I will be forced to send you angry emojis and pictures of what a real snow storm aftermath looks like. You haven't seen winter until you've spent the season up here in the north.
9. Please don't try and be a tough guy once the snow arrives, no one wants to see you outside in your swim trunks and sandals.
You may not have the most ideal winter wardrobe in your closet when you're living in the south, but please don't be the jerk who walks outside to clear off his car in nothing but a t-shirt and short shorts. I can feel myself getting frostbite from just looking at you and it hurts!
10. Learn how to craft the perfect snowball so that your awful neighbor Karen knows to never mess with you again.
There are very few times in life when you'll be able to be so elegantly passive aggressive towards that one nasty neighbor that we all know and hate. So, take advantage of the fact that it's 2018 and we now can go to Walmart or shop on Amazon for literal snowball makers and lightly toss some of Mother Nature Karen's way. This art can also come in handy against pesky siblings, bothersome parents and trouble making children.
11. Most importantly, enjoy the snow while it's here.
Since we can almost guarantee that you don't have a collection of sleds lying around in your warm bungalow, grab one of your laundry baskets and hit the newly snowy slopes that are now in your backyard! It'll all be gone before you know it.
What advice would you give to southerners when it comes to dealing with snow? Personally I’d also like to tell our southern friends to come up north and experience
This Toboggan Park In New York That Will Make Your Winter Unforgettable!