Posted in New York December 14, 2016 by

12 Reasons Why You Should Never, Ever Move To New York

It’s not easy being a New Yorker! Not all of us are cut out for this. Whether good or bad, whenever we go out-of-town we somehow manage to stick out like a sore thumb. While living in the Empire State may give us qualities that make us distinct to everyone else in our country, we’d like to see them handle all that comes with being a resident of our state. Thinking about taking a walk on the wild side and making a move to our neck of the woods? Let’s see go over some of the reasons why this place may not be the right fit for you.

1. If you thought you'd be able to find charming small towns to explore, guess again.
6SN7/Flickr
Lovely quaint shops, farm-to-table restaurants, small businesses and other local attractions? I think I'd rather be like Flick from A Christmas Story and lick a flagpole.
2. There's never enough time to fully enjoy all there is to see in our cities, so you might as well just skip seeing them altogether.
Stiller Beobachter/Flickr
Realistically it would take weeks to actually enjoy and see all of the attractions that are hiding inside of the Big Apple let alone our smaller cities. Surely there's no point in visiting a place if you can't see it all in the blink of a moment.
3. Being a New York fan is a full time job that will almost definitely turn you into a permanent emotional train wreck.
Keith Allison/Flickr
From the Giants to the Mets and Yankees. No matter what sport or team is your personal poison, you will find yourself forever in a state of intense emotions while becoming a fan of any of our New York teams.
4. Wanting to get away to an island? Well, we hardly have any of those.
atypicalchris/Flickr
What are islands anyways? It's not like our state's territory includes the Thousand Islands or anything. And you may or may not be able to find over 170 islands on Lake George alone.
5. Our food will almost certainly repulse you. One could say it's actually garbage.
PleaseRomaineCalm/Flickr
Garbage on plate? That's exactly what we have. So if that doesn't make your mouth water, then I have no idea what to tell you except that you should buckle up and prepare your taste buds for an unbelievable ride.
6. When it comes to hiking, you'll be so overwhelmed by how many different trails and mountains there are to choose from.
heipei/Flickr
You'll most likely become so flustered by all of the amazing options that you'll never actually end up getting outdoors. So if you're looking for a state that doesn't have an immense amount of trails to explore, New York is not the place for you.
7. Living in New York means you're basically in the middle of nowhere.
sanchez jalapeno/Flickr
Besides being within arms reach of those beautiful New England states and even that one lovely northern neighbor of ours that's an entirely different country, there's not really many nice day trips for you to take at all. Sounds pretty lame, huh?
8. If you came up North to experience the fall foliage, then you better look somewhere else.
heipei/Flickr
Is it really that great to have all four seasons? It's not like you'll see much foliage in New York anyways. Am I right or is the sarcasm in these statements not hitting home enough?
9. So, you thought you would see some snow while you were here huh? Guess again. New York hasn't seen a drop of snow since pigs began to fly.
Anthony Quintano/Flickr
Snow, so beautiful and wonderous they said. If you thought this powdery mixture was just kittens and rainbows then clearly nobody told you about the pain that is waking up at the crack of dawn to clear the snow out of your driveway. Or the reoccurring pain of simply trying to find your car because the snow has decided to participate in a game of hide and seek with you. Where Mother Nature hides all of your necessary objects and you spend the rest of your lifetime in search of them.

There's not too much sarcasm to be found in those statements. And to be quite honest I'm feeling like someone owes me a batch of chocolate chip cookies for not dropping profanity all over the place. Nothing makes us emotional like this crazy winter weather of ours.
10. When the sun finally does decide to make an appearance, it's practically unbearable. There's literally nowhere to cool off.
Arman Thanvir/Flickr
Beautiful beaches on the coast, endless lakes and secret swim holes? Does any of this sound like New York?
11. If you take the time to visit our state parks, you'll probably only discover that there's not much to look at.
Michael B./Yelp
Because hiking a 2-mile trail that features 19 waterfalls is really not that exciting at all. You're most likely going to be bored out of your brain and wishing that these waterfalls provided free Wifi.
12. All of our attractions are way too old, hardly holding any historical significance whatsoever.
Sarah P./Yelp
I suppose if you're looking to enjoy a good nap these attractions would be the right place to visit. It's not like we have that many historical attractions to see anyhow. Who cares about our country's oldest things, right?

Hopefully this post was able to tickle a funny bone or two! If someone asked you if they should move to the Empire State, what would you tell them? To enjoy another good laugh, check out these 15 Hilariously Accurate Memes About New York!