We Michiganders are a proud bunch, and there’s plenty to love about ourselves and our state. While we’re certainly skilled when it comes to outdoor adventuring, preparing delicious pasties, and so much more, we can’t pretend to be perfect. Here are 11 things that Michiganders are undeniably bad at.
1. Sending a team to the Super Bowl
Ah, the Detroit Lions. Despite our undying love for our team, the stars have never quite aligned when it comes to sending our boys all the way to the final game. This isn’t necessarily the fault of the fans, but we take on much of the disappointment and shame that comes along with a less-than-stellar NFL team.
2. Accurately predicting the weather
You know the drill: you look out the window, notice sunny skies, and decide to opt for a light jacket. Within minutes of stepping out the door, you’re caught in a storm of freezing rain and snow. Just another average day in the Great Lakes State! Our weather is unpredictable, and our attempts to prepare are often futile.
3. Saying no to a craft beer
There’s just something about a tasty Michigan-made beer that draws us in time and time again. Michigan is known for its abundance of awesome breweries, and it’s tough to resist grabbing a pint or two when thirst strikes. From New Holland to Arbor Brewing, there’s a draft to satisfy every Michigander.
4. Getting back to work after a weekend up north
We Michiganders sure are good at relaxing during our up north adventures, but our productivity prospects are pretty dismal when it comes to the first work day after a fantastic cottage weekend. Try as we might, we just can’t stop ourselves from dreaming about our beautiful lakefront getaways and boat trips -- even when "real life" is calling.
5. Saying nice things about Ohio
A disdain for all things Ohio is par for the course when it comes to living in Michigan. While most of our anti-Ohio sentiments are closely connected to our college sports teams, there’s a general sense of disgust toward Ohioans that seems to permeate every Michigander’s mind. We struggle to find compliments for our neighboring Buckeye state. They have… nice… turnpikes?
6. Avoiding potholes
This isn’t entirely our fault, but we’ll admit that our driving skills aren’t quite as smooth as they could be. After all, Michigan’s roads are littered with potholes and bumpy sections of pavement that make navigation difficult and, in some cases, dangerous. Those craters seem to appear out of nowhere!
7. Resisting a good beach day
We might have finals to study for, meetings to attend, or events to plan -- but these obligations can’t keep a true Michigander from hitting the beach when perfect waterfront weather arrives. This is particularly true near the beginning of spring or the end of summer, when gorgeous beach days feel few and far between. There’s just something about our Great Lakes that seem to constantly call our names.
8. Using legitimate maps
A paper map? What’s that? Here in Michigan, there’s nothing better or more convenient than simply pointing to our own hands as an indication of where we’re from. After all, we’re pretty lucky to have Michigan-shaped hands built right into our bodies! Give us a paper map and we might be a bit confused.
9. Taking real medicine
If you’re hanging out with a Michigander and you begin to complain about a stomach ailment of some sort, be forewarned that we’re not terribly skilled in terms of selecting actual over-the-counter treatments for nausea. Why, you ask? The answer is simple: we Michiganders know that Vernors is the true answer when it comes to soothing stomach woes.
10. Offering directions in miles, not minutes
If you ask us how many miles away a given destination is, we’ll struggle to come up with an accurate answer. Ask us to provide the distance in minutes, though, and we’ll be quick to offer up information. Here in the Great Lakes State, directions are measured in time and not actual distance. Don’t ask us why!
11. Correctly using the possessive "s"
If you’ve ever spent time around a group of Michiganders, you know that we aren’t quite grammatically accurate when it comes to properly using the possessive "s." For example: our state is home to a beloved family grocery store called Meijer. Talk to a Michigander, though, and you’ll be told that the store is called "Meijer’s." See the difference? We know we’re a bit off base, but that will never stop us!
We want to hear from you, fellow Michiganders: what else are we undeniably bad at here in the Great Lakes State? We’d love to hear your unique thoughts and suggestions in the comment section below!