Michigan October 21, 2017
9 Things No Self-Respecting Michigander Would Ever Do
While there are no official rules for living in the Great Lakes State, there are a handful of unofficial regulations that most of us here in Michigan try to live by. Whether you’re a lifelong Michigander or a recent transplant, here are nine things you should never, ever do during your tenure in our beloved state.
1. Root for Ohio State.
If the bright red of the Ohio State logo doesn’t make you throw up in your mouth a little bit, are you really even a Michigander? Some might accuse us of taking this longtime sports rivalry a bit too seriously, but we know the truth: Ohio is kind of the worst. If you’re seen walking down the streets of a Michigan town with Buckeye gear on, you might just get disowned by your family and friends.
2. Put ketchup on a coney dog.
We have nothing against ketchup, but it simply doesn’t belong on a coney dog! These delectable dogs originated smack dab in the middle of Detroit, so we Michiganders have a long history of enjoying them with all the fixings. And "the fixings" simply doesn’t include the addition of ketchup.
3. Call it "soda."
If you refer to our favorite fizzy beverage as anything but "pop" here in the Great Lakes State, you’re guaranteed to get at least a few strange looks. We know these drinks are called by various names throughout the country and the world, but here in Michigan, it’s "pop." End of story.
4. Take Pepto Bismol instead of Vernor’s.
When nausea strikes, every Michigander knows that Vernor’s is the quickest and most effective way to strike back. This beloved ginger ale seems to soothe our stomachs immediately, and we’ve been drinking it since we were kiddos to relieve all sorts of digestive ailments. If you’re a true Michigander, you’ll try Vernor’s before reaching for any other sort of remedy.
5. Mispronounce "Mackinac."
Or "Charlevoix." Or "Gratiot." Or "Sault Ste. Marie." The list continues! Here in Michigan, we certainly have our fair share of unusual names that are difficult to pronounce for newcomers. But living in the Great Lakes State means learning to correctly say even the weirdest of words — and we’d be embarrassed by an accidental mispronunciation! "Mackinack," anyone?
6. Fail to name all five of the Great Lakes.
If you grew up in Michigan, you’ve got that famous HOMES acronym hammered into your head: Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie, Superior. After all, they don’t call us the Great Lakes State for nothing! We’re lucky to have access to some of the country’s most gorgeous bodies of water, and true blue Michiganders will never forget these famous names.
7. Point to a real map instead of a hand.
When you’ve got a map built right into your body, who needs an old-fashioned map? There’s nothing more unique about being a Michigander than the ability to simply point out a spot on your palm in order to specify where you’re from. You’ll rarely see someone from Michigan drawing a map or grabbing an atlas when asked about their hometown. Instead, the palm becomes a map of its own!
8. Turn down a day at the beach.
Let’s be honest: there are few things Michiganders love more than lounging along the waterfront. We're admittedly a bit obsessed with the Great Lakes, but can you blame us? Whether we’re sunbathing along Lake Michigan, catching a sunrise over Lake Huron, or cliff-diving into Lake Superior, we’re always game to spend time near our beloved bodies of water.
9. Leave the house without at least three layers of clothing.
Michigan weather is unpredictable, and every true Michigander knows that it’s important to dress in preparation for anything. This means that layers are vital to our wardrobes, regardless of the season. We’ve been known to experience scorching temperatures in January and snowfall in the midst of May. As long as we’re layered up, we’re prepared for whatever Michigan throws at us.
Okay, fellow Michiganders: we want to hear from you! Are there any items we left off our list? What should every Michigander avoid like the plague? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.