Michigan April 09, 2018
9 Questions You Should Never, Ever Ask A Michigander
We Michiganders consider ourselves a pretty friendly bunch. After all, we’ve got that “Midwest nice” thing down pat, and our residents are some of the most adventurous people in the country. Don’t let this welcoming attitude fool you, though: there are some inquiries and comments we simply won’t put up with. If you want to stay on a Michigander’s good side, avoid these nine questions.
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1. "So, are you an Ohio State fan?"
We don’t care whether you’re joking or not - there’s nothing more insulting than suggesting that a Michigander might root for Ohio State. Whether we’re MSU fans or Michigan Wolverine faithfuls, we can all agree that the Ohio State Buckeyes are our archenemies. Don’t even bother mentioning OSU in our presence.
2. "Can I have some soda?"
Soda? What’s that? Here in Michigan, we’re fairly strict about using the proper name of our favorite fizzy beverage: pop! If you order a soda, we’ll begrudgingly oblige, but we’ll be sure to remind you not to use that forbidden word anywhere else in the Great Lakes State!
3. "Why are you pointing to your hand like that?"
Sigh. We Michiganders simply can’t resist using our palms as built-in maps, and it’s always surprising to realize that many out-of-staters don’t understand that Michigan is conveniently shaped like a mitten. We’re pretty proud of our state’s unique shape, so please don’t call us out for avoiding paper maps.
4. "What’s euchre?"
There’s no sin more extreme to a Michigander than not knowing how to play euchre. After all, this beloved card game is a way of life in the Great Lakes State, and we aren’t quite sure to how relate to those who are unable to partake in our frequent tournaments. You’ll get bonus points if you’re willing to learn, though!
5. "How do I get to Macki-nack Island?"
Try as we might, it’s tough to avoid groaning when a non-Michigander butchers the name of our beloved Mackinac Island. Sure, the spelling might confuse you - but we’d love for tourists to do a bit of research before vacationing in our beautiful state. On your first mispronunciation, we’ll give you a pass. On your second, though, we can’t promise that we’ll give you proper directions.
6. "You’re not REALLY a Lions fan, right?"
No matter what you do, never question a Michigander’s loyalty to our beloved NFL team! Yes, we’re well aware that the Lions aren’t exactly the cream of the crop when it comes to football success, but we’re proud of them nonetheless. We’ve already heard enough anti-Lions jokes to last us a lifetime.
7. "What’s the weather typically like in April?"
Replace "April" with virtually any month of the year, and we’d give you the same answer: we simply don’t know. When it comes to Michigan weather, there’s no such thing as "typical." Our state has been known to see snowstorms in May and boiling hot temperatures in the depths of winter, so there's truly no predicting what Mother Nature will throw at us next!
8. "Do you have any Pepto Bismol?"
If you’ve got a stomach ailment, don’t bother asking a Michigander for any sort of over-the-counter remedy. Instead, expect to be treated with the one elixir that heals all of our indigestion woes: Vernors! This beloved ginger ale brand is a Michigan classic, and we swear by it for quick stomach relief.
9. "Why would you want to live in a boring state like Michigan?"
Above all else, never insult Michigan in the presence of a true Michigander. Those who are unfamiliar with our state might not realize just how much natural beauty and manmade excitement makes its home in Michigan - from our stunning Great Lakes shorelines to our bustling cities. If you’ve got something bad to say about our amazing state, you’re better off saying nothing at all.
Tell us, Michiganders: are there any other questions that immediately make you cringe or recoil with anger? Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences with us in the comment section below!