Christmas is right around the corner, and you know what that means: Santa Claus is making a list and checking it twice! We Michiganders certainly don’t want to end up on the naughty list and receive a few lumps of goal in our stockings this year. Unfortunately, there are a few actions that will quickly land you on Santa’s bad side. Here are nine surefire ways to find yourself on the naughty list in Michigan!
1. Root for Ohio State.
Everyone in Michigan knows that there’s nothing worse than expressing admiration for Ohio State. Whether we’re fans of Michigan State or U of M, there’s one trait we share: a deep disgust toward the Buckeyes. If you want to offend your fellow Michiganders and undoubtedly end up on Santa’s naughty list, go ahead and step out in one of those garish red sweatshirts.
2. Call it "soda" instead of "pop."
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: that fizzy beverage is called "pop," and nothing else! If you’re a true-blue Michigander, don’t even think about uttering the word "soda" when you’re ordering something to drink at a restaurant. Not only will you receive strange looks from your friends and family, but you’ll also end up with a lump of coal on Christmas morning.
3. Hold up traffic by not knowing how to make a Michigan left.
You know the scene all too well: you’re sitting in traffic, waiting patiently to make your Michigan left, when you realize the driver at the front of the line has absolutely no idea what’s going on. They’ll nervously inch into the left turn, only to feel unsure about how they should proceed. If you’re a new driver or an out-of-stater, we can forgive this -- but a true Michigander should handle a Michigan left with confidence!
4. Mispronounce "Mackinac."
Santa Claus is none too pleased when he hears someone completely butcher the name of Michigan’s most beloved island! If you want to stay in his good graces, be sure to get it right: "Mackinaw!" This same rule applies to popular Michigan cities and streets like Gratiot, Sault Ste. Marie, and Charlevoix.
5. Point to a map instead of your hand.
We Michiganders are lucky to have built-in maps right on our palms, and everyone from the Great Lakes State knows that we take advantage of this whenever possible. If we’re asked to show someone where we’re from, we automatically point to our palms. If you want to offend Santa and your fellow Michiganders, though, go ahead and pull out a paper map because hand maps "aren’t cool!"
6. Litter on one of our beautiful beaches.
This might just be the ultimate sin here in Michigan. Our Great Lakes and the beaches that accompany them are some of the most stunning spots in our entire state, and we keep them clean at all costs. If you’re caught dumping trash, even a few candy wrappers, on one of our pristine shorelines, you might as well accept that you’ll be on the naughty list for the next five years.
7. Give up on the Lions after one loss.
We know, we know: the Detroit Lions are a difficult team to root for, especially when they narrowly lose during a nationally syndicated Thanksgiving Day game. But don’t be a fair-weather fan! Here in Michigan, we stay loyal to our teams, even when they’re not performing terribly well. While disappointment comes along with loyalty to the Lions, giving up on them is certainly not the route to take.
8. Turn off the radio or TV during a Pure Michigan ad.
There’s nothing more soothing than the lovely tones of a Pure Michigan ad, whether it pops up on our television or our radio. After all, these ads should make us feel proud of our state: each one tells the story of a special location or pastime here in Michigan. If you feel the need to silence a Pure Michigan ad, Santa Claus will be none too pleased with your lack of state pride!
9. Be unkind to your fellow Michiganders.
We Michiganders are a diverse bunch. At the end of the day, though, we’re all united through our shared love for the Great Lakes State. Regardless of our beliefs or backgrounds, each and every one of us feels some level of state pride -- and we treat each other with respect. Everyone knows that Santa Claus values kindness, and he would hate to see any of us act in anger or disrespect to our neighbors. Treat others the way you’d like to be treated, Michiganders!
We want to hear from you: are there any other undeniable ways to end up on the naughty list here in Michigan? Share your thoughts and ideas in the comment section below, and make sure that you’re on your very best behavior!