There’s nothing to see in Michigan, right? After all, our state is nothing but a bunch of cornfields and unfriendly faces. If you’re considering relocating to Michigan or even simply extending your residency after many years, we urge you to think again. Here are 11 reasons to get far away from our state.
We’re aware that these uncertain times are limiting many aspects of life as we all practice social and physical distancing. While we’re continuing to feature destinations that make our state wonderful, we don’t expect or encourage you to go check them out immediately. We believe that supporting local attractions is important now more than ever and we hope our articles inspire your future adventures! And on that note, please nominate your favorite local business that could use some love right now:
1. One word: ugly.
Ugly forests, ugly hikes, ugly beaches, and ugly weather -- we could continue the list endlessly! Michigan is a whole bunch of ugly, and every resident knows it. If you’re looking for any sort of beautiful scenery or stunning natural attractions, this is certainly not the state for you.
2. The beaches aren’t really beaches.
You’d be so much better off at an ocean. After all, Michigan’s beaches are dirty, boring, tiny, and not even remotely blue. You won’t find any opportunities for boating, fishing, swimming, or sunbathing here. In fact, the beaches in Michigan don’t even qualify as actual beaches.
3. There’s no history here.
The auto industry? Never heard of it. Motown music? Not worth mentioning. Military forts and fascinating ghost towns? Nowhere to be found. Here in Michigan, there’s absolutely nothing worth learning about. We find it tough to believe that anyone would construct a museum or historical marker in this state!
4. The people are unfriendly.
Ever heard about "Midwest nice?" It totally doesn’t exist, and Michigan is no exception to the rule. Go ahead and try walking down any main street in one of our small towns: you won’t be greeted by anything but scowls and angry strangers.
5. Food? Michigan doesn’t have any good food.
If you’re hungry, you should certainly look outside the Great Lakes State. You won’t find much at all to satisfy your cravings here, so don’t get too excited. Unless, of course, you have a hankering for disgusting dishes like fresh cherries, Mackinac island fudge, coney dogs, Detroit-style pizza, whitefish, or pasties.
6. There’s nothing to do when it’s cold outside.
Wintertime in Michigan turns each and every resident into a hermit. There’s simply nothing to do when cold weather strikes, and you’ll be bored all season long. If you’re a fan of skiing, snowboarding, sledding, winter hikes, or even snowshoeing, you’ll have to look elsewhere.
7. Speaking of cold, it’s pretty much winter year-round.
The four seasons just don’t exist in Michigan. You won’t enjoy breathtaking summer days under sunny skies or fall foliage that seems to cover the landscape with colorful beauty. Spring doesn’t exist here, and wintertime, as we mentioned above, is boring. Move far away from Michigan if you love seasons!
8. If you’re looking for entertainment, look elsewhere.
When we say Michigan is boring, we mean REALLY boring. There’s absolutely nothing here for anyone to do, regardless of age. It’s not as if we house all sorts of amusement parks, sporting venues, museums, concert halls, outdoor attractions, art galleries, shopping districts, and more.
9. The U.P. is a whole bunch of nothing.
Anyone who tells you to visit the Upper Peninsula is definitely lying. As soon as you cross the Mackinac Bridge, you’ll realize that the U.P. is overflowing with boring scenery, a total lack of waterfalls, unfriendly people, and absolutely nothing to do. You’d be better off sitting in your living room watching TV.
10. There’s nowhere to relax in the Great Lakes State.
Looking for a quick weekend getaway with your loved ones? Michigan has nothing to offer. After all, this state has nothing in the way of resorts, hotels, beautiful campgrounds, charming small towns, rentable cottages on the beach, or breathtaking wineries. You’ll find thousands of uptight people in Michigan.
11. If you value state pride, Michigan isn’t the place for you.
Michigan bumper stickers, t-shirts, billboards, and even an entire ad campaign dedicated to the state? None of these things can be found here. Trust us -- if you turn on the radio and hear the soothing tones of a Pure Michigan ad, it’s just your imagination. People from Michigan can’t stand their home state!
Okay, okay, you caught us: there might be a HINT of sarcasm in this article. Can you think of any other reasons why people should avoid Michigan at all costs? After all, it’s OBVIOUSLY the worst state around!