Detroit January 13, 2020
9 Reasons No One In Their Right Mind Visits Detroit In The Winter
You’ve heard it before and you’ll hear it again: “It’s so cold in the D!” When it comes to wintertime, this phrase rings especially true, and we’ve experienced the frigid weather firsthand. Sure, we might constantly publish articles about why you should check out the Motor City, but there’s simply nothing worth seeing here when the snow falls. Our region is completely void of amazing restaurants, fascinating culture, and scenic views… right? Here are nine reasons why you definitely shouldn’t come to Detroit this winter season.
1. There’s just nothing to do when it’s cold.
If you like to have fun during wintertime, Detroit just isn’t the place for you. There are no gorgeous public parks to explore or ice-skating rinks to visit with loved ones. You certainly won’t find any shopping throughout the area, so you might as well just stay home this season.
2. The scenery isn’t much to marvel at.
The frozen Detroit River? Ugly. Twinkling city lights in the Detroit skyline? Absolutely hideous when there’s snow on the ground. The lighthouse at Milliken State Park and the towering Ambassador Bridge? Totally not worth seeing. In fact, Detroit doesn’t have much in the way of scenic views.
3. Hungry? Detroit has nothing to offer.
Nope, we don’t have any food to satisfy your cravings. When you come to Detroit in hopes of warming up with hot deliciousness this winter season, you won’t find coney dogs, pizza, Greek fare, Mexican food, or any other classic dishes to keep your taste buds happy. No foodies to be found here!
4. Indoor attractions simply don’t exist here.
If you’re hoping to beat the winter blues by checking out, say, an incredible art museum or a unique homage to Motown music, Detroit just isn’t the place for you. The Motor City offers nothing in the way of history museums and certainly won’t teach you about the auto industry. Another reason to stay away!
5. The towns around Detroit are void of charm in the winter.
Charming small towns? Metro Detroit doesn’t have any of those, and the towns it does house are nothing short of gross in the winter months. Don’t even bother looking for quaint downtowns, cozy cafes, or historic neighborhoods covered with snow.
6. Want to warm up with a hot coffee? You’re out of luck!
You must be confusing us with another city, because we definitely don’t have any coffee shops worth mentioning. I mean, you could stop by Astro Coffee or grab a cup at Dessert Oasis Roasters, but no one has ever had a positive experience at either one of these shops - no matter what the hundreds of positive online reviews might lead you to believe.
7. There’s nowhere to stretch your legs.
If you like to exercise, Detroit doesn’t offer much. It’s not as if we’re home to the Dequindre Cut or the Detroit Riverfront. And we certainly don’t have plenty of wide-open space on Belle Isle that just happens to offer great views of the city skyline. No, sir. That’s not us!
8. Everyone is in a bad mood when it’s snowy out.
In and around Detroit, you won’t find gleeful children making their way down sledding hills or happy adults enjoying dinner and drinks with loved ones. Everyone in Detroit is gloomy at all times, rarely cracking a smile or seeking personal growth. Wintertime is sad for everyone, so don’t come here.
9. When you want to hit the town, you’ll be out of luck.
Those who appreciate nightlife will be utterly bored in Detroit, which completely lacks bars, breweries, speakeasies, and other spots to explore. Craft beer and cocktails might as well not exist here, and there are no casinos or concert venues to speak of. Trust us: Detroiters just don’t know how to have fun!
Okay, okay… you caught us. There might be a dose of sarcasm in some of our notes about Detroit, but that’s for you to decide! What are some other reasons why no one should ever visit Detroit during the winter months? Drop us a line in the comment section below!
Address: Detroit, MI, USA