Detroit June 16, 2017
Here Are 11 Things You’ll Never Catch Anyone From Detroit Doing
Every Detroiter is different, but there are certain traits that the vast majority of Motor City residents seem to share. On the flip side of that coin, there are plenty of activities and actions that will simply never fly here in Detroit, and we’ve compiled a few of the most prominent. Here are 11 things you’ll never catch a Detroiter doing.
1. Putting ketchup on a coney dog.
We know, we know: there’s no "official" way to eat a coney dog. But there are some things that just don’t belong together — and ketchup simply doesn’t belong on a coney. If you can’t rid yourself of the craving, just be sure to eat it in private to avoid ridicule by other Detroiters.
2. Watching their team in the Super Bowl.
We love the Detroit Lions to death, but let’s be realistic here: their Super Bowl chances certainly aren’t the greatest. Despite our better judgment, we continue to root for the boys in blue, and we won’t stop anytime soon — but it seems increasingly unlikely that we’ll ever see them in the Super Bowl. Maybe next year… right?
3. Singing along to "Don't Stop Believing."
We’ve said it a million times before, but that won’t stop us from saying it again: "South Detroit" is not a real place. In fact, if South Detroit did exist, it would actually be Windsor, Ontario! When that "born and raised in South Detroit" line plays, you won’t find a true Detroiter singing along.
4. Calling it "soda."
Whether you prefer Faygo, Diet Coke, or root beer, one thing is for sure: it’s called "pop." You’ll never hear a Detroiter refer to these fizzy beverages by any other name.
5. Bashing square pizza.
Perhaps it sounds strange to you, but we swear by Detroit-style pizza, which just happens to be square. While we enjoy a "normal" slice as much as the next person, we’ll never do anything but sing the praises of a delightfully cheesy square pie.
6. Talking smack about Canada.
Our proximity to the Canadian border gives us a special sort of affection for our neighbors across the Ambassador Bridge. While we love where we’re from, we can’t help but feel a twinge of admiration and pride when we think about our friends in Ontario.
7. Eating any brand of potato chips other than Better Made.
Did you know that Detroit consumes more potato chips annually than anywhere else in the country? We’re not sure if that’s something to be proud of, but we do know that Better Made Potato Chips are the best-tasting snacks around. Try as we might, we’ll never find another chip brand that compares.
8. Complaining about a few inches of snow.
Our years of enduring Michigan winters have made us pretty thick-skinned when it comes to snowfall. Sure, it’s cold. Yes, there are plenty of inconveniences caused by snow. But you’ll never find a Detroiter complaining — for us, it’s just part of the Motor City experience.
9. Sitting still when a Motown classic comes on the radio.
Is it even possible to sit still when a Stevie Wonder tune comes on? We think not. Here in Detroit, we’re endlessly proud of our contributions to the music industry. We’re always eager to celebrate our Motown heritage by singing, dancing, and embracing the beat.
10. Letting someone else bash Detroit.
Sure, we’re well aware that Detroit is far from perfect. But if we hear someone else badmouthing our city, we’ll be the first to speak up. We’re proud of Detroit’s historic and artistic contributions, and we know our future is bright. If you don’t appreciate that, it’s truly your loss.
11. Giving up.
Detroiters are equipped with a special sort of strength and an unbeatable spirit. Knock us down and we’ll get back up every time — more determined to succeed than ever. You’ll never find someone from Detroit giving up. It’s simply not in our blood.
Tell us, fellow Detroiters: what did we leave off our list? As always, we would love to hear your thoughts, suggestions, and ideas in the comment section below!