Detroit December 07, 2017
9 Foolproof Ways To Make Someone From Detroit Cringe
We Detroiters are a welcoming bunch, but that doesn’t mean we’ll let you get away with just anything! Here in the Motor City, we’ve got a variety of unwritten rules that might make us cringe if they’re not followed. If you’re caught doing any of these nine things, you’ll likely see us shaking our heads.
1. Mispronounce "Gratiot."
We’ve heard just about every mispronunciation imaginable when it comes to the word "Gratiot." We know those French names can be confusing -- but we count on newcomers and visitors to do a bit of research before arriving in the Motor City! If you
really want to see us cringe, ask us how to find "Gra-tee-ott."
2. Call it "soda."
We Detroiters absolutely love to drink pop, and we love to call it by its rightful name! Even if you’re from a part of the country where soft drinks are regularly referred to as "soda," you should know that it will always be "pop" to us. If you follow this rule, maybe we’ll even treat you to some Faygo!
3. Act surprised by a Lions loss.
Here in the Motor City, we’re more than accustomed to watching our NFL team lose. After all, the Lions have never even had a Super Bowl appearance, so we aren’t terribly shocked when we don’t get the W. For this reason, we tend to cringe a bit when a new fan seems surprised to hear about a Lions loss.
4. Ask why the pizza is square.
Want to garner a few odd looks from a group of longtime Detroiters? Go ahead and make a fuss about the square pizza that’s been delivered to your table! We know, pizzas are typically circular, but Detroit has its own (absolutely delicious) means of preparing this cheesy favorite. There’s just something about that corner piece…
5. Inquire about directions to South Detroit.
Ooh, awkward. Few things are more cringeworthy for a Detroiter than having to explain that "South Detroit" isn’t actually a real place. Despite what you’ve heard while singing along to "Don’t Stop Believing" at your cousin’s wedding, "South Detroit" is more like "the middle of the Detroit River."
6. Refuse to believe that Detroit is so close to Canada.
We don’t mean to sound rude, but have you looked at a map lately? It might be tough to believe that we can literally
see another country from our city, but it’s true: Canada is just a stone’s throw away from the Motor City. Hop on the Ambassador Bridge, venture to Ontario, and see for yourself! Just don’t make us cringe by refusing to believe that we’re mere minutes from the border.
7. Ask if they’re close friends with Eminem.
At least once in every Detroiter’s life, the infamous question arises: "Oh, so do you know Eminem? Do you live on 8 Mile?" Sure, we’re proud of the rapper’s Detroit roots, but that doesn’t mean we’re best friends with him. Detroit has a population of nearly 273,000 people... do you expect us to know everyone? Besides, Detroit is home to all sorts of beloved artists, from Stevie Wonder to Diana Ross.
8. Fail to make a proper Michigan left.
When we see a newcomer trying in vain to properly navigate a Michigan left turn, we can’t help but cringe. This reaction is inspired not only by our frustration at having to wait in traffic, but by our secondhand embarrassment as well. Don’t worry, though: once you properly complete a Michigan left, it will make a whole lot more sense!
9. Speak negatively of Detroit.
As much as we might poke fun at ourselves and our city, we don’t like hearing outsiders speak ill of Detroit. Sure, our hometown has faced its fair share of trials and tribulations throughout the years, but that doesn’t mean we're okay with listening to others pass judgement on where we’re from. You know what your mom always said: if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
What do you think, Detroiters? Are there any other surefire ways to make a Motor City resident cringe with embarrassment or frustration? Be sure to share your thoughts and ideas in the comment section below.