Kansas March 22, 2017
13 Things You Could Never, Ever Pay A True Kansan To Do
Everyone has a list of things they’d never do, but usually that list can be edited with the help of money bribes. Who else can say they are a true, loyal Kansan? (Granted, we’re not talking millions…I know all of you would do these things if it meant you won the lottery.)
1. No matter the money, you wouldn't root for the Broncos in public. (Especially after that terrible bowl game.)
I used to be a Broncos fan until someone else decided to dress up as them and toss that bowl game.
2. Even more unlikely? Accepting money to root for Mizzou.
Those chairs are empty for a reason!
3. Money wouldn't convince you to go hide instead of chasing that first good spring storm.
I'm already ready to go!
4. No one could pay you to say Memphis BBQ is better than KC - and mean it.
I couldn't do it, that's for sure.
5. Or make you say you support Westboro Baptist Church and their messages. (Not pictured, because no one should see those signs.)
There's just no sense in what they do. Why would you protest a military funeral? They died for you.
6. They couldn't pay you to say our farmers are dumb. We value them more than anything.
Some of them might not be "book smart" but that doesn't mean they don't know more than you about their craft.
7. You wouldn't accept any money just to watch The Wizard of Oz one more time.
I just don't have the heart or courage to see it again. (See what I did there?)
8. Money isn't going to make you say we're a flyover state.
We're full of plenty to stay for.
9. A bribe won't make you be un-neighborly, either.
Hey, who else is going to call for help if your house is on fire?
10. Money can't tempt you away from a lakeside bonfire, either.
Unless there's a bigger and better bonfire, I'm not going anywhere.
11. 50 bucks to stay home from the fair they say? No way!
I've got a yearly date with a Harper homemade ice cream tent.
12. No matter the money, you can't make me say it doesn't get hot here, either. Because it most definitely does!
Are they nuts? Maybe they're from Australia.
13. Last of all, money won't make me turn my back on my Aunt. (Auntie Anne's, of course!)
They're just irresistible.
What else is just so Kansas that you can’t imagine being bribed to go against your ways? Tell us in the comments below!