Colorado March 24, 2019
Here Are The Top 10 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Raise A Family In Colorado
Parents know that one of their most important jobs is to raise children to be the best they can be and give them opportunities to learn and grow. There’s an immense amount of pressure to do it “right,” but there really is no “right” way to do it. As a Colorado parent, let us offer you a little insight as to why you shouldn’t raise a family here…
1. Nature is unavoidable.
If you’d rather not expose your kids to fresh air and beautiful places, Colorado is
not the place for you.
2. Your kids will be spoiled be the abundance of parks.
Even our cities are overrun with green spaces - Denver alone has more than 5,000 acres of parkland. That’s way too much room to stretch your legs.
3. Our sunny weather means you’ll be spending a ton of money on sunscreen.
Even in the middle of winter, Colorado’s high elevation makes sunburns a year-round risk. Get ready to stock up on sunscreen if you want to spend time outdoors.
4. Colorado is too safe.
Whether it be crime or natural disaster, Colorado is considered to be high up on the list of safest places in America. How could such a peaceful place properly prepare kids for a big, scary world? Besides setting a good example, of course.
5. Picky eaters will hate it here.
Sure, you could stick to fast food chains, but Colorado is considered a foodie paradise. If you introduce your kids to the unique flavors early, they’ll probably develop a wider appreciation for it… but that might just disappoint them later in life when they realize that other places aren’t nearly as tasty.
6. Where do all of those unique flavors come from? Colorado’s immensely diverse culture, of course.
Children raised in less diverse states don’t have to spend nearly as much time learning about the different cultures all around them. That just means more homework in school, right?
7. Speaking of school, Colorado is one of the most highly educated states in America, so expect a
lot of homework.
And with that homework, plenty of whining about wanting to go outside and play in all of those pesky parks.
8. Colorado is the 38th state, so it isn't as historic as other states.
The first 13 states were admitted into the Union a whopping 100 years before Colorado, so those eastern states have waaaaay more in terms of history… if you only count post-statehood history, that is. Colorado has
thousands of years of fascinating history, including that of the ancient Puebloans, the Mexican-American War, early explorers, and more.
9. While we’re on the subject of history, dinosaurs are downright scary.
You’ve seen Jurassic Park, right? Why would you ever want to give your kids nightmares… or encourage them to become paleontologists… by taking them to Dinosaur National Monument, Picketwire Canyon, or any of the countless natural history museums?
10. Colorado will just set their expectations too high.
Let’s face it: Colorado is an amazing place. There’s so much to do and see and explore, which makes it a fantastic place to raise a family. It sets a high bar for expectations early on, but that just gives kids something to strive for. There’s no other place in the world that we’d rather be!
For even more Colorado humor, check out
Here Are 11 Rite-Of-Passages That Every Coloradan Must Experience Once.