1. Four-wheel drive doesn’t make your vehicle stop any better on the ice.
When it’s 12 degrees out and the snow is falling, driving on I-15 at 75 mph is never smart -- even if you have a big truck with four-wheel drive. Despite what you might think, that big truck doesn’t stop any better on a sheet of ice than the little Hyundai Accent that you’re about to hit. Of course, if you slide off the road into a snowbank, your four-wheel drive might come in handy.
2. Utahns get mysteriously ill when it snows.
When Utah’s famous powder is falling from the skies, Utahns tend to become very ill. Employers and teachers alike hear about a host of ailments: sore throats, stomach bugs, high fevers, chills and coughs. Is there an epidemic afoot? Nope...go check the lift lines at the ski resorts. All those “sick” Utahns must have decided that skiing will make them feel a LOT better.
3. Our national parks are less fun in July and August.
Our national parks are stunning, but we Utahns never visit in July and August. All five are packed to the gills with tourists slinging cameras and vying for the best views. Utahns know that visiting during the off season is a great way to fully enjoy the parks… and have a bit of solitude too.
4. When your neighbor takes you aside to tell you about a “great opportunity,” hide your wallet.
Utah is a mecca for MLMs. If you grew up here, you know that a “one of a kind, work at home opportunity” often means hosting parties, hawking “supplements” and coercing your friends into your “downline.” While some people make lots of money at MLMs, others lose more than they make.
5. No one really eats green jello.
Where did all the green jello hype come from? At one point, maybe Utahns ate more of the stuff per capita than anyone else, but not so much anymore.
6. There’s nothing like Utah corn and tomatoes.
Every Utahn knows that Utah-grown corn and tomatoes taste better than those grown anywhere else.
7. No road in Utah is ever complete for more than 2 years.
How is it possible that a road can be perpetually littered with orange cones? If it’s a Utah road, it’s inevitable. Maybe it’s the winter weather that causes potholes. Maybe it’s the huge population growth of our state that requires adding extra lanes. In any case, there’s not a single road in Utah that ever goes more than 2 years without more construction.
8. It doesn’t matter when you go to the movie...you’ll be surrounded by babies and toddlers.
Kids are pervasive in Utah. We’re the state with the highest number of the little darlings per capita. As a result, you’ll be hard-pressed to attend a movie without being surrounded by small children. Any movie. Even a violent, R-rated movie showing at 10:30 pm.
9. If you’re 25 and not married yet, you must be “selfish.”
Utahns marry young. While people in their 20s in other parts of the country are attending graduate school and enjoying the single life, Utahns are having their second baby and paying mortgages. If you’re from Utah and have the gall to remain single into your late 20’s, be prepared to catch a lot of grief from your friends, parents and church leaders.
10. It’s not nice to swear, but it’s OK to use fake swear words.
Everyone born in Utah knows that it doesn’t count if you say “fetch” or “heck.”
11. You CAN get a beer here. You just have to know where to look.
We have plenty of pubs and microbreweries. You just have to get yourself out of the suburbs to find them.
12. Not everyone in Utah is Mormon.
Lots of people certainly are Mormon here in Utah (about 60 percent, state-wide). If you just moved here from another state, you might feel kind of isolated, but if you grew up here you already know that there are plenty of non-Mormons in the state. Ask around -- you might be surprised.