There are some things you just don’t say on Ohio ground. Take the following as simple advice on what not to say to us when you’re on our turf—or simply anytime you engage in conversation with us, regardless of where we are.
1) “Go, Blue!"
We’ll stop talking to you. We will straight up stop talking to you.
2) "Everyone in Ohio won’t shut up about the Buckeyes.”
No. No we probably won’t—and you saying that will probably just inspire us to talk about them even more.
3) “It’s not ‘pop,’ it’s ‘soda.’”
YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN STOP ACTING LIKE WE’RE ALIENS.
4) “What’s cow tipping like?”
I don’t know. None of us know. We don’t know because we don’t do that here.
5) “If it’s going to snow then I’m not driving anywhere.”
Oh please. Step aside and watch how it’s done.
6) “People in Ohio complain about the weather all the time.”
UH, you try living where designated seasons aren’t real and you sometimes use the AC and heat in the same day and you feel like you’re in a constant state of weather-induced confusion. You try that. You try that and THEN get back to us on that one.
7) "Why do you cheer for the Bengals/Browns/Reds/Indians?”
Why is the sky blue?
8) “LeBron James...”
We will legitimately pretend we didn’t hear you bring up his name and ask you an absurd question or say something completely nonsensical to incite intense confusion in the hopes of permanently diverting you from the topic.
9) “Ohio is boring.”
YOU’RE boring. Step outside the house for a change when you’re here and you might think twice before you say that.
10) “Skyline chili isn’t real chili.”
You only think that because you’ve been eating inside the lines for way too long.
11) “What’s a ‘sweeper?’”
A VACUUM CLEANER. FOR THE LAST TIME, A VACUUM CLEANER.
12) “Ohio is nothing but cornfields.”
1) Stop saying that. 2) That’s physically impossible. We have roads and stores and various other establishments that require land free of corn.
13) “Nothing cool ever comes from Ohio.”