Ohio June 28, 2015
Here’s How You’re Probably Going To Die If You’re From Ohio
Here in Ohio, there are certain situations unique to our state that could ultimately lead you to the end of your life if you’re not careful. The following are nine circumstances and things to take absolute precaution with if/when you are faced with them.
1) The Ohio State Fair and/or county fairs and fried foods = clogged arteries.
2) Also, diabetes, thanks to things like Graeter’s ice cream and buckeye candies.
3) Death by pothole.
4) Suffocation via humidity in the summer...
5)…and freezing to death in the tundra temperatures that Ohio winters bring. Every year. Without fail.
6) Getting in the way of rabid Ohio State football fans, both physically and figuratively. (Don’t get too close to a cheering, rejoicing fan and—whatever you do— don’t cheer for the wrong team.)
7) Facing your roller coaster fears once and for all.
8) Not being able to handle the stress that comes with the Ohio State vs. Michigan football game—and National Championship games.
9) Mental and physical exhaustion from not being able to keep up with the Ohio-Lottery-box-of-chocolates-Russian-Roulette kind of weather that is Ohio weather.
You’ve been warned. Now proceed with caution.