1. You correct anyone who uses the term Hawaiian incorrectly.
“No, I am not a Hawaiian, nor will I ever be.” Hawaiians are a race, and only those who can trace their roots back to the islands’ original Polynesian settlers. In fact, only about 10 percent of Hawaii’s population are native Hawaiians; everyone else is a Hawaii resident, or local.
2. You will become angry when you realize how inaccurately your favorite movies and television shows portray Hawaii.
But you will also have a newfound appreciation of 50 First Dates, The Descendants, Lilo & Stitch, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
3. You develop a complicated relationship with the tourism industry.
When you first step off the plane, you will try desperately to not look like a tourist, then you will find their excitement contagious. Finally, at some point, you will begin to resent them, because you have to go to work while they get to spend all day at the beach.
4. You will fear mercury poison on a regular basis.
We get it, it’s impossible to stop eating sushi + poke bowls.
5. You’ve had to give up your love of sports.
Or at least accept that your tradition of watching football, drinking beer, and eating wings just won’t work when kickoff is at 7 a.m. local time.
6. As well as your need to watch live television.
Unless, of course, you can keep yourself off social media long enough to see the new Game of Thrones episode hours after your east coast pals did. Trust me, it’s not easy to stay away from the spoilers while anxiously awaiting that new episode.
7. You’ll have to get used to an entirely new set of slang terms.
Pau hana? Howzit? Broke Da Mout? Da Kine? At first, you’ll shake your head in confusion, but soon enough, your family back home will start commenting on your new vocabulary.
8. Underemployment becomes a word you are forced to learn - and use.
While at first, giving up your comfortable office job on the mainland - that you probably hated - seems like a fantastic exchange for sunshine and ocean views, now you’ll probably take any job you can get your hands on just to afford rent. Yeah, unfortunately, being underpaid and underemployed are real problems when you move to Hawaii.
9. You will undoubtedly have conflicted views about the islands’ history.
It is an unfortunate fact that most Americans don’t know about how Hawaii became a state. And, as an outsider, no matter how hard you try to understand the complicated issues of Hawaii’s statehood, you will feel guilty at one point or another.
10. And while visiting family on the mainland, you will throw a shaka while merging in traffic, and people will glare at you like you’re flashing gang signs.
Can you tell that’s a true story? The same goes for using da kine, mahalo, and howzit in the same conversation - all to some pretty confused looks.
11. You’ll miss out on countless contests and special promotions - simply because you left the continental U.S.
Forget your favorite $5 footlongs, and signing up for all of those amazing all-expense paid trips to -- you guessed it - Hawaii. Cue eye rolls.
12. You’ll spend far too much time posting about your new life on social media.
Your friends can only take so much jealousy before they unfollow you. Also, there will come a time when you don’t feel the need to Instagram every sunset you witness.
13. You’ll talk to your mainland friends and family way less than you would like, simply because by the time you’re out of work for the day, they are already asleep.
No, is that just me?
14. And perhaps worst of all, your favorite mainland chains will become a distant memory.
Say goodbye to Chipotle, In-N-Out, Trader Joe’s, and Olive Garden. At least you will also find new favorites - like Teddy’s, and Zippy’s.