As a general rule, residents of the Mile High City are pretty darn happy, and we’d like to keep it that way. (And, no, we’re not giddy because a certain substance is legal.) We’re giddy because life in Denver is downright joyous! There are, however, a handful of annoyances that really stick in our craw, so for goodness’ sake, please refrain from doing these 15 things that are sure to make any true Denverite mad!
1. Be a fair weather fan.
As demonstrated by this super (adorable) fan, we are loyal to our sports teams win, lose, or tie.
2. Bash any of our sports teams, players, or venues.
Don't even think about making disparaging comments or gestures. That's just rude.
3. Don't be a Dick (Cheney).
It's pretty self-explanatory.
4. Park like an idiot.
There are more poorly parked cars in Denver than toupees in Donald Trump's closet.
5. Drive like an idiot...
Native or not, there are more bad drivers in the Mile High City than skeletons in Hillary's coffin. I mean, closet.
6. Bike like an idiot.
If you're going to ride a bike, please learn the
Rules of the Road
and don't be a Dick (Cheney).
7. See No. 5 and 6.
8. Plaster all of your personal beliefs on your vehicle.
All we can hope is that your actions speak as loud as other people's words.
9. If your bumper sticker beliefs must be broadcasted, at least advocate things like coffee, beer, bikes, banjos, and nature.
10. Be a wimp about our Mile High weather.
Every Denverite should be grateful for our 300 days of sunshine! (And for the record, it's never too hot, cold, or rainy to get outside...that's why clothes were invented.)
11. Be a wimp about the stairs at Red Rocks.
Come on, there are only about 192 of them. No big deal. We run them in our sleep.
12. Assume we spend every weekend in the mountains.
Sure, maybe many or most of us do, but just because we live in Colorado doesn't mean we're required to be experts on skis, boulders, and single tracks.
If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: LEAVE NO TRACE!!! For the love of Nature!
14. Feed your cigarette butts to the squirrels, trails, and streets.
Seriously, people, if you insist on smoking, at least put your butts in the trash! (See No. 13.)
15. Assume we're all pot-smoking stoners.
Admittedly, many residents just might be, but no one likes generalizations. Cough.